One 8th into my graduate course, I am hit by a plethora of emotions. The actual fact that I got through without flunking any examination(scary 5 of them mind you!) is a surprise. By god's grace I just about climbed a slippery pole. Looking back at these 3 months in this alien country, I am sort of feeling hollow about myself. I have prided myself being a easy going, intelligent person all along having a pellucid heart. And man how wrong I have been. Last couple of years I have developed a complacent attitude, which if not rectified can have disastrous consequences.
What is the big change. Listing out my random thoughts, one may that the word 'I' has been used atleast once in every sentence. All my thoughts are just focussed and restricted to me. Retrospection has been replaced by a despicable self doubt. 4 years ago college life made me meet a huge number of new people. A campus full of people looked like a world to be conquered. My mind was open and I accepted everyone as they were. But now 3 months on, its like in the middle of a languorous stroll in a dense forest. Comparison, too much retrospection of everything that happening around me, fear of failure, taking studies as a burden rather than enjoying it and last but not least thinking that i am superior to those around me. Hopefully I have woken up in the right time and can streamline my thoughts in the right direction.
This unnecessary self imposed exile from blogging is a good example that I have muddled my focus somewhere in-between. Clarity of mind is a gift very few have. Learning from our own mistakes, is a very important part of the education. Losing our individuality we will never succeed. My god this is turning out to be rehash of the philosophical hush-hush that can easily put us to sleep.
Still there are too many 'I's. What to do this is a post about me, for me and by me. So why am I writing this? Just to understand and accept that I have made a mistake. To see if I have the balls to learn from and rectify my mistakes and be the person that I think I am.
3 comments:
This is exactly how evry person feels at some point of life.Its jus a learning phase.Testing ourselves.
Btw awesome phrases used:)
Hey Sriram, I am shan i was searching sivaji as socrates, i hit your blog and was very much impressed by your story telling style. i think you should start writing novels. best of luck God bless you
Thank you Radha!! I will surely try at some point!!
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