The Rendezvous

I could sense the chill in my spine. I did not expect this. I checked the RSVP list. Twice. Her name was not there. But there she was right in front of me. My first crush / infatuation /fling or whatever one can call. Standing in full, 20 m away. Sipping a cup of tea and chatting with a few others. Her posture was majestic and she had an aura around her. All those around her were looking so petty. "Mrs.Ramesh" read her name tag. No wonder she did not call me to her wedding. We had a messy break up long back. The nervousness was not because of any latent feeling i harbour but the dread of an awkward rendezvous. 

Keeping my face stoic i remained as far away from her as I could and did not want to give my eclectic band of maverick buddies a chance to poke fun at me. But still her presence stirred up more than a few memories from the past. Her presence made me forget that I had brought my wife here for a couple of minutes. The tenth year reunion of my Alma matter is not exactly the best place for her to socialise. Still she was doing way better than I expected. She knew everyone from the gang and they were busy explaining her, what a wonderful haven this place was. She was one more reason I did keep my distance from Mrs.Ramesh. Thankfully it looked like she was enjoying her time. This is our first trip together after our marriage. "Guys lets go to the cafeteria. It’s been a long time and I have been telling too many delicious stories about it to Namratha. I am sure she would love the snacks there. " I smiled at my wife. We are getting to know about each other better every passing day. The entire gang was ready and the cafeteria used to be our favourite hangout spot during the college days.

Two rounds of bajis and a glass of fresh juice quenched our appetite for food and nostalgia.  “Hey karthik!! How have you been doing!!? Its been a long time”.  It was Mrs.Ramesh. Bloody hell,  Why this kolaveri di!!  “Hey anitha!! Yup its been more than a decade now. How are you??” “I am a wife, mother and a corporate gal. You are still at ABC corp?” “Yup, the same place. Sort of used to the comforts there. “  And then she started to greet the rest of the people. “ Heard you got married.  Wont you introduce me to your wife? “ She asked this with a naughty smile. The very same awkward moment that I wanted to avoid is now thrust upon me. I smiled at her and called Namratha. I could hear a few giggles amongst my friends. I somehow avoided and rather forgot to mention anitha to her till now. “This is Namratha. We got married last month. And she is working in XYZ corp. “ Before i could introduce Anitha, she said “I am Anitha!! I was his classmate in college. Hope he mentioned me to you about me. We were quite an item during our college days.” My heart skipped a beat. I did not expect this. Why the hell one bring up a forgotten chapter now?  “Of course he had told me about you. It’s nice finally to meet you”. There was a complete silence and I could hear nothing. The same words kept ringing in my head again and again!! Rest of the conversation did not register in my head at all. I am just glad that I had this rendezvous with my companion for life.

The mirror

Be glad there's a place in the world, 

That resonates the name in the cold, 

The overwhelmed reverence of the arrival,

Just reading the name from the list for survival,

Waiting for a sound to sate the monster,

Its just a placebo and a gesture,

For i want a space which i have never felt,

A possibility suffices to make  my heart melt,

or that maybe you swept my feet off the ground,

or may be i am clouded with the fear of not being around,

the warmth of thoughts about you,

lingering long after you are gone,

I wish i had known you better when we met,

I wish you learnt better about me when we met,

but ill get it off my mind, ill try the best i can,

ill remind myself you arent mine,

Even if it aint, I Want to last it a bit longer,

opening my eyes, it wont be hard,

opening my mind, not sure, but i will still be on guard!!!

The human in a man : A short story

Dear readers,
This is my 50th post. Thank you for your support!! 
Sriram


The bus ride along the country side is always a pleasure. The green pastures, laboured urgency of the people and a silence that defies the logic for a city dweller. The beauty of the country side can never be overstated. But I am sure I cannot survive more than a couple of days in this environ. Circumstances forced me to take a non Air Conditioned bus after a long time. It has been nothing but pleasurable. Luckily I got a window seat and I was in no rush to reach my destination. The bus was almost full, but not overcrowded. Sitting next to me was a father and his very young son. They were talking in a cherubic tone about buying something. The light banter was keeping the milieu cheerful.

The railway crossing just closed. This particular one was next to a eucalyptus groove. The aroma was mesmerising. There was one other truck in front of our bus. It could well be a 10 minute halt as the train was no where in sight. Couple of people used this opportunity to stretch their limbs getting down. Slowly one could see more vehicles piling up on either side of the crossing. I just closed my eyes to enjoy the moment of solitude.

Suddenly there was a commotion which forced me out of my minute long nap with a startle. The entire crowd was shouting pointing at something. I started to hear the sound of the train approaching in the background. For a moment I started to wonder if there was celebrity travelling in the train! But it was a shout of concern, desperation and horror. As I gazed in that direction I was taken aback. On the railway track, holding her stick with her trembling hand was a old lady walking slowly unaware of the gargantuan train coming behind her. She was happy chewing her beetle leaves with pan and walking slowly. All our shouts had no effect on her. Even i joined the  crowd shouting vehemently " get off the track" many times. For the next 30 seconds we kept on shouting with no success. And the train was fast approaching behind her. Not knowing what to do we all started shouting even more. But even a glaring horn from train did not bother her.

Thankfully a courageous guy went upto the track and pulled her off it just in time. It was a sigh of relief all around. A large group gathered around the lady. For almost a couple of minutes I was not sure what just happened. I was looking around thankfully. I just smiled at the father and son sitting next to me. "That lady must be easily 80+. Why the hell was she walking in a track unattended!" i told the father. "Thank god she is fine now." "Good that someone pulled her off the track" "There were almost three bus full of people and still no one went to her aid earlier". The young boy who was listening to all this asked us a question "Appa!! why did you not get down to help the old woman?? ". The answer for which I dont know still. 

The Quandary - A Short story

The alarm clock did its job finally. Against my will and bodily intuition I woke up and started walking like a zombie. It was already quarter to eight and I will have to rush to catch my bus at 8:07. This life sure is challenging. Having drenched myself in deodorant, I ran off to catch my bus. 18 months back I did think that I was the luckiest person on earth. A decent job during the recession was like a shady tree on a hot summer noon. But once I entered the corporate world, after the initial honeymoon period, I realised that I should switch jobs as soon as I can. It was not only me but also my desk pal at the office Rahul. 

Managing through the morning rush I found myself a comfortable spot to stand in the bus. Finally there was 35 precious minutes to contemplate and reflect on the tricky but simple quandary that bugged me for more than a couple of days. Last weekend, I found an excellent job opening in the one the biggest IT solutions company. It was a tailor made opportunity for me to further my career. The biggest question was - Should I inform Rahul about this opening also?? 

A couple of school kids just got down, giving more space to stand properly. We both have exactly the same profile. I met him for the first time during our training. And we have shared a cabin for the past 8 months. I am not sure what kind of a relationship we have. Some how my social circle has been pretty messed up since I left college. Cut-throat competition is something I have got used to. We both have been looking for opportunities to move places. As colleague we share immense mutual respect. But still there is something that is preventing me from sharing this useful piece of info with him. In a world of survival of the fittest one less competition is always better. So by the time my stop approached, I made up my mind to keep the opening to myself.

So as the day progressed I completed the necessary letters. My profile was pretty much in sync with the requirements of the position and I was very confident. At the last moment I saved the mail in drafts rather than sending it to the HR.  I was feeling very uncomfortable. This is the guy whom I will see at least 10 times a day. And afterall he is also desperately searching for a new job.

Torn apart by my own thoughts, I looked at him sliding sideways. “Rahul !! Lets go to the canteen and have lunch”. We sporadically ate together. But today was different. “No problem. Just give me a moment”, Rahul retorted.  Keeping my face stoic I walked with him to the canteen. Finally gathering all the courage and  overcoming my own fear I told him, “Rahul I saw a job opening in ABC corp. for a project analyst. I think we should apply. We fit the profile perfectly.” “Do you mean the one in Bangalore? – I have already applied for the job. Lets see what happens!!”

Solitude

I entered a leeway all alone,
A lonely streak of thought worth savouring,
A smile that was worth waiting,
But alas!
Losing the sight of a shooting star,
Into the Zions unknown afar,
A price that missed my grasp,
For no fault of mine,
I wish i had known better during the Rendezvous,
Laying on a bed of trial,
Each layer reminiscing my frail,
The portent resonating in my heart,
That all is not lost,
The ambers of the past,
pushing me to further my quest,
Leaving behind a labyrinthine of guile,
Looking at the vast meaningfulness with a sardonic smile,
And the hope that I wont be leaving all alone!!

The pianist - A review

For a long time I was under impression that cinema is a medium that makes us happy and that just entertains. This was untill I watched a movie called Varumain Neeram Sivappu . After watching that master piece, My outlook towards cinema has transformed. An art form where a creator has the license to present a motley of emotions to novice viewers to experience his inner most fears and absolute bliss, cinema is a powerful tool indeed. Unlike books this has a profound impact in a very short time. Reading a novel gives you a completely different experience than watching a scene unfold on the screen. When used intelligently cinema can disturb you, lingering long after you have finished viewing. Such a wonderful tale that is powerful enough move even a solid rock is a masterpiece called "The pianist". The protagonist in the movie, one incredible Mr.Władysław Szpilman is neither a man of celestial brawn nor cognitive ability. He is an average human being living an average life who was forced to through an extraordinary ordeal for no fault of his.

Before watching it for the first time I was under the impression that is going a movie about an altruistic surperhuman who made a telling contribution in saving several lives or something melodramatic about the supreme sacrifices during the the Warsaw uprising against the Germans like many of the movies about holocaust. But how wrong I was. I went through a journey that can be hardly put into words. The pianist is a man whom we can relate to. We share his insecurities, fear, patriotism, and almost every other feeling.

Directed by Roman Polanski, it describes the life of a Jewish pianist from 1939 to 1945. As viewer you coast along with him who has been reduced to fight for his most basic of the needs - the right to be alive. Germany gains control over Poland in 1939. The Germans start the ethnic cleansing against the jews gradually. The pace at which the dread of the situation creeps into the people is brilliant. Hopeful of seeing light at the end Szpilman and his family try to remain calm most of the time. The Germans slowly instill dread into the polish and Warsaw is made a living hell for the Jews around. The pace at which their life deteriorates is insane to say the least. Arguably from 15 to 50 min in the movie is the most depressing I have ever seen. Its definitely not for the faint hearted. You as a viewer actually live with the protagonist for those 35 minutes and see your family drift out of the face of the earth for ever. Getting back to the story, Szpilman luckily evades the extermination camp, ends up in a german construction site. He volunteers in an uprising against the Germans and he helps in smuggling arms. Almost getting caught at one point, he escapes during the uprising. Long story short, the rest is the tale of his survival.

Adrien Brody as the pianist who is motivated by the most primal of the need - to sustain and survive, gives an incredibly moving performance. He got a deserved oscar for this portrayal. Brody captures the character's desperation, his anger and grief, his willpower and perseverance, his passion and love of music. In latter part of the movie you can really understand why human beings are called "Social animals". The director gives us the chance to know his shock and disbelief, his ordeal and tragedy, his hope to be alive at the end. The actors who play his family are apt and realistic. The haunting background score and the brilliant use of silence as a means to convey expressions, escalates the film viewing and makes the audience become part of the struggle. I was watching this movie alone and suddenly I wanted to be around my friends and family. I was very thankful that I live in a free society. India got independence on 15th August 1947. I have not been more grateful for that.

Special mention should go to the Director of the movie Roman Polanski. The fact that he was a survivor of the holocaust makes it more personal for him. And he does a brilliant job. At no point the movie is melodramatic or instils patriotism. In no place he takes a stand. He just depects the facts and accurate facts. He brings in a compelling aura into the narration. And deservedly both Polanski and Brody won Oscar for this work. Towards the end the Russian soldiers almost kill szpilman because he was wearing a German overcoat. Where quizzed being polish why he was wearing that, he just replies "I am cold". Simply Brilliant. For 150 minutes I was spellbound and finished off with a heavy heart. Arguably one of the best movies ever made. Try it out for sure If have not watched it already.

The award

I published it long back!! But on the occasion of teachers day it felt right to publish it again!!

A car strolled majestically and stopped near the corner. A handsome young man got down and approached me. He politely asked me,”Good Morning Sir! Do you remember me?” I was taken aback. When most of my former students come to visit me, they would either be in high school or college, but never a young man at his prime. I couldn’t recognize him as I have taught umpteen number of students over the past 30 years. “Sorry son, pardon me. I don’t remember you.” “Sir, I am Maasilamani. You were my class teacher in class 8.. You were my social science teacher then. I am the fellow who hoisted the flag from the garbage. “ And like a flash I could remember that incident which highlighted the how slack we have been in performing our duties.

It was in the spring of 93. A boy was going to school. I could recognize him as one of my students who was not that bright and was an introvert. Out of nowhere he went to the garbage heap that was lying along the road side and it seemed to me that he was trying to find something. He took out a dirty bit of cloth form there and was dusting it. It took me more than an instant to understand that he had taken a disposed national flag from the rags. He took it to the flag post round the corner which hosted a political party flag. He removed the flag and hoisted the national flag with a pride that only a true patriot can feel.

“Oh yes, I do remember you. How are you ad what are you doing now? “ He responded “ I own a small IT outsourcing company.” I was bit surprised as I did not except a leader out of him. He continued, ” If you could remember I was not a charismatic student. I was very low on self confidence and it was only because of you that I have become a success in my life. “ I was elated, but had no clue how I had changed exponentially improved the esteem of a person without my knowledge.

Seeing my confusion, the boy continued.” When I had hoisted the flag, that very day in the class you had in front of all the students said about what I had done and add to that asked the entire class to give a standing ovation. For the first time in my life a teacher had addressed me in the class and I was the center of things happening in the class. That incident had a life changing effect in me. My self belief grew and I began to feel confident about myself. And that was the focal point of success in my life. As a token of gratitude I had bought this Parker pen for you. “

Saying so he extended the pen for me to accept.I was spellbound. I had accomplished what every teacher dreams to achieve. There can be no greater award for me. I wished him good luck and continued on. I felt as if I was floating through my path. With the pen in my pocket glowing with pride I entered the class full of buds awaiting fresh sun rays.

SRIRAM