Mid Life Crisis

He was happily sleeping while his mobile phone kept on ringing. Having been adequately trained over the years in snoozing alarms, sleeping through a ringing phone was a cake walk for him.  But same thing cannot be said of his wife. Grumbling she picked up the phone and answered it, half seeing who caller was.

“Hi Albert, good morning. Ramesh is still sleeping.”

“Hi Sudha , this is Stella.”  Sudha was surprised to hear Albert’s wife’s voice. Worryingly she sounded agitated.

“Yes, Stella. Is everything alright?”

“Albert had a massive heart attack this morning. We have moved him to the General Hospital. Can you pls come here?”

“Ofcourse Stella. I will be there in 30 minutes with Ramesh. Dont worry. Nothing will happen to Albert. “

“I am trying to be calm. But Joseph also did not pick up. He had slept in the hostel with his friends. They have just taken Albert to the ICU.”

“No issues at all. Do you have enough cash with you?”

“I think so. I have just brought all the cards with me as of now.”

“Dont worry . Ramesh will take care of the Finance.”

Ramesh and Albert have been business partners for over 20 years and have known each other from their school days. Ramesh was hardly a deep sleeper, always a grumpy riser from the bed in the morning.  

Grumpy Ramesh was shocked when he heard about the news.

“Albert is one of the fittest guys I have ever known. How could this happen to him! We are only 48 years old.”

Albert regularly worked out. He successfully avoided having the middle age bumps. He had a healthy life style and was always in control of his health. He looked at least 5-10 years younger than his age.

Visibly shocked Sudha and Ramesh left for the hospital immediately. They were received by a rather nervous looking Stella. Their arrival calmed down Stella a bit. Sudha started to console Stella and sat with her outside the ICU. There were several other grieving families near by. Sudha hated the aroma associated with hospitals. The only time she enjoyed this smell was when her daughter was born. In the recent times luckily neither she nor Ramesh had to stay overnight in a hospital.

  There was some frantic action in and out of the ward, with several medical staff entering the room. Ramesh tried to enquire about the progress to the fleet footed nurses and doctors without any success. After a 6 hour wait, the doctors came out with some good news. They explained for a few minutes in medical jargons that they could only understand, the gist of which meant that Albert is no more critical.  There was relief all around. After about 8 hours, Albert was in a state to see everyone.  Ramesh and Sudha finally left the hospital.

“We have to come here again tomorrow” said a concerned Ramesh to Sudha.

“Yes. I will cook something for Joseph and stella. The hospital food is not upto the mark.”

“Yes thats there. But I have booked a complete medical check up for both of us in the afternoon.”

Sudha was intrigued.  

 “It’s true that we have been trying to improve our dietary habits, but don’t you think you are over reacting to Albert’s situation?”

“Are you kidding!  Albert was the best of the lot. Look at me, my tummy. God only knows what my cholesterol level is. There must be a start. You have also been constantly gaining weight, ever since Lakshmi was born. We don’t take our health seriously.  Albert’s healthy life style must have saved him today. If we get a cardiac arrest, I am not sure if we would survive that.”

“Dont talk inauspicious things.”

“I am just being pragmatic.”

The general check up turned out to be scarier than expected. While both of them were in the overweight category, they also had Hyper tension, near high blood sugar level. Sudha had weak cartilages in her knees and Ramesh had high Cholesterol levels. They also had other minor issues. In short, their health was in a mess. Their medical report was a rude wake up call.

Within two days, it was Ramesh who reacted first. “I have got us membership in ABC fitness center. They have aerobics and power Yoga also. Its 3 kms from here. Daily morning we can cycle there. I have ordered 2 bicycles also.”

“  I have been browsing the internet for some healthy diet tips. I found this GM weight loss diet plan. It’s assured 5-6 kg weight loss in a week. Its mainly fruit and veggie based. Absolutely no rice at all. Starting from tomorrow let us try that.”

Thus began their quest of finding that perfect health. The first day they woke up at 5 in the morning and cycled to the gym. 1 hour of moderate workout was exhausting but, they enjoyed every bit of it. After that started the GM diet routine.  First  day was fine. But as they entered the 3^rd day, the lack of food and physical exhaustion was taking its toll on them. They were getting easily irritated and started taking out the frustration from lack of food on each other.

It was the 4^th day morning. The fight the previous night was plain bad and they were not in talking terms with each other. They got dressed for the gym and left silently in the car. Ramesh was driving and there was no eye contact at all between them. He stopped at the local restaurant.

“2 plates sambar vadai and 2 ghee masala dosas pls”.

Sweets

It was that time of the year and Ramesh was sitting in his school with great anticipation. His grand mom had come to visit them and she had been really busy making sweets. Today the first batch of sweets would have been ready. He was impatient for the final bell like a ballet dancer waiting for her very first dance performance. Just as it rung, it was music to his ears and in no time was down stairs ghosting past the corridor and playground towards the cycle shed.

"Ramesh, cricket by 4 30 at the BVR grounds?" shouted his friend from a distance.

"Sorry too busy . Wont be able to make it today" retorted Ramesh as he hastily climbed down the stairs ignoring the look of surprise in his friend's face. Ramesh usually was the first person in line for playing cricket. But there are darker things at play in the background. Smelted sugar in collusion with milk, ghee, oil  and other collaborators in their multitude of forms were playing havoc in this innocent young boy's mind. He had only one motto in his life for the day and it was to get his hands on those freshly made gustatory delights. He quickly unlocked his cycle and flashed towards his home.

"Mom, I am  back" he shouted as he was about to enter his ground floor building. He dumped his cycle in the congested place below the stairs and  wanted to burst open that door like Hannuman from the fables. The aroma of freshly fried sweets was piercing his stomach through his nose.

"Ramesh kanna" called out his elderly neighbor lady.
"Hi Uma aunty, good evening" replied Ramesh without taking his eyes off the door.

"Your mom has taken your grand mom for some shopping. She wanted me to give me this key to you. She will be back in another 30 minutes."

Ramesh was stunned, and could not believe how his mom could do this to him. With great disappointment he went to get the keys.  But that disappointment soon turned into elation when he realised that he would be spending atleast 30 minutes alone in the house without his mother's supervision with only the freshly prepared sweets for company. It's like having a deepavali vacations being thrust upon a week earlier.

"Would you like to come in and wait here till your mother comes ?"

"No Aunty I will wait in my house" replied ramesh hastily and grabbed the keys off her frail hands and burst open the door just like his hero Hanuman, but with the help of the keys.  He entered the cosy little apartment and set out for the kitchen. He threw his bag on the bed and did not bother to change his clothes. His eyes were fixed on the kitchen. Every step he took made the aroma stronger and increased his appetite.

He entered the kitchen which was very clean, the hallmark of the presence of his grandmother. Usually it is never this clean and it was arguably the only trade secret she had failed to pass it on to her daughter. Ramesh quickly scanned over the entire kitchen. He knew the blue print of the kitchen by heart and where to locate the most important stuff. He scanned through the shelves for new containers. His eyes were probably betraying him, but he could not find anything new. Refrigirator was his next place to explore. The only new things he found there was his grandmother's set of fake teeth and that day's sambar. His frustration peaked. His mother was quite clever and knew exactly where to hide things.  Ramesh had been successful a few times in digging out these treasure troves.

He closed the refrigerator and hypothetically wore his sherlock holmes hat.  He scanned the room once again carefully. He was the tallest 10 year old in his class. Even the tallest of 10 year olds have a problem and their parents are atleast twice their height. "Think like a criminal and you will solve all the mysteries", he told himself the famous quote of holmes. He took a few steps backwards and looked up. Eureka!! there it was. A complete new stack of porcelain and stainless steel containers on the top most deck of the shelf. The containers happily smirking at him "take it if you can".

His mind the raced fast and looked around for something that could make up the deficit of 2 meters  required to reach the top. The stool in the living room was the obvious choice. He slowly pulled it into the kitchen. He mounted on the stool and tried reaching the top shelf without any success. Still he was off by a few feet. He had to bump up the height. The future engineer had his instincts kick in and reached out to a container that was lying on the floor for drying. He placed the container on the stool. The container had a narrow top and a broad botttom. He placed the container inverted on the stool and  slowly mounted the 2 layers of height boosters. The plan worked to perfection. He almost reached the top of deck of the shelf.

Jealous of the young boy's success fate had to intervene. The container destabilised on the stool and he feel down with a huge thud!! The sweets were so close yet he could not gorge them. As he was contemplating a second try for reaching the top, the door slowly opened. The boy quickly set the container straight, masked his pain in his ankle with a bright smile on his face and then sat on stool keeping his face sad so as to gain his mother's sympathy.

"Mom where are the sweets? " He shouted as his mother entered the kitchen.

His mom could not control her laughter. "The little detective here must have searched the entire house and forgot to check his own table."

Stunned ramesh ran to his room. Lying on the table there was a beautiful little container with a note, saying "Enjoy the sweets. Love - Mom".

The new Milieu

He slowly opened his eyes. His head was hurting, the vision was blurred, the muscles were aching and his mind just refused to turn on. The grass bed he was lying on was an ethereal sleeping pill which he could not shrug off. He then looked around. There was a dense forest cover. Tall bamboo trees, Kinos, Rosewood and Sandalwood blocked his view of the horizon. The noisy birds and the rodents were adding to the cacophony which more or less magnified the pain in his head. He slowly turned his head around, through the small cracks between the trees to see the morning sun rising behind the silhouette that outlined the tall mountains near by.  The  sight of the mountains startled him. His survival instincts kicked in and the information slowly sunk into him. "THIS IS NOT HIS HOME". He had never seen something that was that tall. He wanted to run as far far away as possible. He, summoning all his energy, got up and started to run. He slowly gained momentum, inspite of his frail health and non-existent stamina. But "BOOM" and he fell down. He hit a iron railing which was the barricade. The pain was excruciating and involuntarily he fell down giving up to the pain. His eyes closed and he started floating into the past.

The past looked secure and beautiful. There was the warmth of his mother,protection of his father and the security of his kinsmen all around. The bright autumn afternoon after rains is always a sight to behold. He was happily cuddling on his mother's lap. His father had returned and it was the dinner time. Playing with his brother was one of his favorite pass times, the pressing problem he encountered was how could he outrun his nimble brother who was older than him. As soon as he saw his brother he leapt off his mother's lap and started running behind him like his life depended on it. This was hardly part of the evening plan, but his parents were enjoying the fun their kids were having. After letting them run around for a few minutes, his mom with an authority only parents can have, stopped them on their strides and asked them to come for dinner. The food was ready to be consumed and the brothers in no time started to quarrel about who will get the first bite.

Everything was so surreal, and the reality was like a dream, but his brother was getting the better of him in this fight also. If only he could do something about it. Then as if  some soothsayer had heard his plea and sent down a prophecy, his brother fell down like a heap. His eyes lit up when he saw this and went ahead to gorge the food available. Little did he realise what was happening around. His parents' protection radar was full on and were trying their best to protect him. His smile slowly started fadding when he saw his father fall down just like his brother in front of him. His mother   roared at him to run as fast as he could.  He started running at pace to take cover. Then he saw his mother who was running just behind him fall as well. He stopped and turned around to run towards his mother. He felt it then. Initially it was like a thorn pricking him. Then it was like a big log striking him in his head. The whole world was turning dark and was closing on him. And then it all went black.

He opened his eyes once again. His head was spinning, hurting and his legs were trembling. He was far away from home and all the people he cared about were nowhere to be in the vicinity. Where are his parents and brother? Are they together or are they also confused and alone in some place? Will he meet them? He wanted to let his brother take all the food. Alas it was too late.  He ran in all the 4 directions and everytime  he hit the railing.

Behind the railings there was a small girl standing and looking at him with her mother.

"Mama, why is he so agitated?"

Her mother looked at her and asked her to look at the board near. "Tiger cub rescued from poachers. Will be temporarily kept in the zoo. Be careful, could be ferocious."

"Poor cub, he is agitated because he is yet to realise that he is safe."

The wish

The long and arduous trek was coming to an end. An 8 hour trek on an uncompromising trail for a bunch of amateurs is necessarily not a match made in heaven, but a challenge indeed. Ramesh and his buddies were feeling the ache in their muscles. This kind of weekend get away once a month recharged them completely. The confluence of Tamil Nadu, Karnataka and Kerala, along the western ghats is one of most picturesque places and is sparsely populated. A walk through the nature in the midst of the autumn skies, where the lush green face of the nature smiles through the convoluted path taken by these guys, with the incessant rains as their sole witness, is truly rewarding. With technology left high and dry behind, not by choice, but because of the lack of access for the gadget guys to weave their magic and fill the air with electromagnetic radiations. For about 4 hours they had absolutely no contact with the outside world. Ramesh and  his buddies Rahul and Imran are from Bengaluru. Its their common interest in trekking that brought them together. They have been going on atleast one trek a month for the past half year.

Slowly they were coming close to the human inhabitants, ably assisted with increasing levels of network connectivity in their mobile phones. The first village they reached was a very small one. Completely parched, they went on a hunt for a place that could serve them something to eat. After a 10 minute walk through a colony of thatched roof huts and mud roads, they found a small place that was serving hot tea and some associated edibles. The place looked no different than a hut nearby, only distinguishing feature being the board in the front telling about whats being sold there. The shop had a few customers happily munching the bhaji and having their tea. There was a girl, possibly in her early teens, standing and heating up her mini boiler to make tea. Another young boy, possibly older than the girl, was cleaning the space. As our trekkers entered the shop, they were greeted by a warm smile. Since the space was limited, only 2 could have a place to sit. Ramesh, being the only smoker in the group, let the others sit and wanted to go out for a puff. He was only person amongst three, who could speak the local language, Tamil. He ordered food for all three and slowly went outside stretching his aching limbs.

As Ramesh was smoking and checking his emails and messages in his phone, the young boy came out with Ramesh's tea.

"Anna, tea." He offered the drink to Ramesh.

"Thank you" said Ramesh stuffing his phone in his pocket and sat down on a boulder nearby with his tea and smoke.

"Anna, where are you coming from?" the young boy asked Ramesh hesitantly in the local dialect of Tamil.

"From the big town, Bengaluru"

"I have been there once. Its so huge. It must be larger than Kotagiri also. What do you do there?"

Ramesh was pleasantly surprised by the comfort level and the inquisitiveness of the boy.  He pointed to the truck near by and said "I build cars and truck. That truck is produced by my company. Rahul works with computers and Imran makes sure we have enough money to do our work." He also introduced his whole group to the boy.

With glittering eyes, he looked at Ramesh and said " Then you must be very well read. What have you studied?"

"I have completed a masters degree in Engineering. Do you go to school?"

"Yes I go to the high school in Kotagiri and I will be writing my 10th standard exam next year! I cycle 12 kms daily and nowadays I am taking my sister also", said the boy proudly pointing at the girl near the boiler also.

"Basically I have studied 8 more years than you as of now!"

Slowly they became comfortable with each other and started talking without any inhibition. The young boy was asking Ramesh all about Bangalore, his higher education and his work. Ramesh to his credit was patiently explaining and answering all his questions.

"Anna, do you have lot of money?" asked the young boy suddenly out of nowhere.

Bit surprised at such a direct question, Ramesh said, " I would like to have more, but I think I have good enough."

"Can I ask you for a help?"

Ramesh guessed what would be coming next. Usually when such conversations happen invariably people want money from him. Though he was kindhearted he usually did not approve of giving money. But he felt bad for this young boy and wanted to give him some money. So ramesh started opening his wallet.

"Ayyo Anna, I dont want your money. Can you please pray for me? Pray that one day I study a lot and become successful like you?"

People, they never cease to surprise.

I me myself

They saw me grow but not mature,
They want me to be theirs but not mine,
They want me to be perfect in their imperfect world,
But I cant leave, as they live for me.

Her wake guided me through my struggles,
In her I saw a part of me, or I thought I saw,
She drifted disgusted, when I reached out,
So I have to leave, as her path is destined to be different.

They travel along with me and relate to my trails,
They lend an occasional shoulder or an ear,
I cannot weigh them down, paining with my frails,
I travel with them keeping my distance, to lend them than to be lent.

To always lend an ear neither consoling nor encouraging,
To be there for everything,To be there without any scorn,
To motivate and pick me up when I fall and pat for the small steps of success,
It will always be I being me for myself!!

The class test

Mathematics was his favorite class of all in the 6th grade. The teacher was solving one of the most interesting problems in the chapter "playing with numbers". It was a piece of cake and he really enjoyed solving it very fast. All he required from the teacher was to show which problem to solve and by the time she completes reading the problem, he would have finished it. But today he had to skip solving the problems. With heavy heart he had his math book open on the table, but had his eyes fixed on the book that was open on his lap. His history text book. As much as the migration of Aryans from somewhere middle of Europe to an unknown hinterland sounded not only drab, but also completely incomprehensible. But the class test in the afternoon is something he cannot avoid. As he tried to remember the path followed but the Aryans, he could sense the bout of sleep that was about to hit him. He tried to keep his eyes open. He had not opened his civics books yet. The fundamental rights and duties and adult franchise was waiting patiently for him to master. This simple thought gave him a piercing headache. "I will not watch the football world cup anymore" he promised himself, blaming his father whose football fanaticism rubbed onto him also. The face of Kamala mam, his fearsome social science teacher frightened him and pushed him into going through the most boring text he had ever read in his short career as a student.

 He could not hold off his slumber anymore and involuntarily fell on the desk, with his history book sliding off his lap. "Mam, Ramesh has fainted " shouted the overly enthusiastic boy sitting next to him. His sound was good enough to jerk Ramesh off his slumber. But his mind reacted faster than his eyes and kept them closed. He remembered the girl who had fainted the other day during the morning assembly session. She had received a royal treatment from all around and was sent home to take rest. He thanked the headless chicken who shouted, silently and went on to play the role of poor little kid to perfection. He could hear all the commotion around the room. A moment of fame or rather infamy is not bad for the average kid. His young math teacher had panicked and did all she could to wake him up or rather bring him back to his senses. Ramesh was secretly enjoying all the attention he was getting. "Raju, go and fetch the peon and the PT master" she instructed one of the boys fervently. By the time the those people arrived, Ramesh was calmly lying on a desk.

He precisely knew how he should act now. In another 10 minutes, he would open his eyes slowly and be groggy for a few minutes. He would explain the teachers that he had skipped breakfast in the morning. If all goes well in another hour his parents or atleast mom would be here taking him home. It was the summer and students fainting was a common occurrence. The idea of skipping the class test was too sweet even to imagine for him. By this time, the news had percolated to the headmaster and had cut short his morning rounds to visit the 6th standard F section. The sound of his 6 feet plus stout head master had spooked him a bit, but he was quite confident of pulling off the sick child act. "I have already called his parents. His mom will be here in another 20 minutes "declared the headmaster. It was music to his ears.

The stage two of his action plan was set in motion. Like a seasoned actor getting the role of his lifetime, he showed signs of getting back his senses. There was a lot of commotion amongst the students. "We will take him  to the office room, so that you can continue with the classes" declared the headmaster. "Can you walk Ramesh?" asked the headmaster with genuine concern. On seeing Ramesh node doubtfully, he asked the peon to help him reach the office room. Much to the chagrin of the class, Ramesh left to room and math lecture was to be restarted.  The events that followed perfectly feel in line with the script of the imaginary "faking a faint to skip a class test" manual, Ramesh had in mind. In exactly 40 minutes, he was sitting in the backseat of his mother's car. It was the perfect contraption, with all the pieces exactly falling in the right place. Sitting back, he enjoyed his mother rumbling about his father being ignorant and careless about his health.

As expected he got a royal treatment at home. His mom had taken the day off and started preparing his food. By noon, he was happily munching his favorite combination of Rasam rice and Bhindi fry, watching the highlights of previous day's football match, completely oblivious to the happenings in his class. During the social science period, a very young teacher who recently joined the school walked into a class of relived students, to make the announcement that, Kamala mam was sick that day and the test had been postponed to the next day. The students could use the free period to prepare for the test!!! 

The fear

He hardly slept for a few hours. His mind was replaying the news item again and again, the disappearance of MH370. As a very frequent flyer, common logic says he must not  be frightened about a plane mishap, if only the common sense rules the world. He tried to close his eyes again, but there was something ominous lingering in his mind, a slow, quiet, but inescapable feeling of fear. "I cant be frightened by a random event like this. The probability of a car crash is higher than a plane tumbling into the ocean", he tried to comfort himself. He closed his eyes and tried to take deep breaths to calm down his nerves. As a child he was extremely fond of flying. The admiration for the birds, the freedom they had in looking at things from the top always facinated him. But only during his first flight, as a child he was scarred for life. A 10 minute journey through a turbulence gave him a nasty fear of flying. His flight was still a few hours away. Every minute passing seemed like an eternity. He simply woke up from his bed and headed straight to the bathroom. He splashed a bout of cold water in his face and let it sting him. He filled the bathtub with cold water. The hotel room itself was not on the higher end, but the bathroom was spacious and very comfortable. Putting on his favorite blues number he slipped into the bathtub.

The flight started moving through a turbulence. It was not uncommon over the south china sea, but this was quite a bad one. The seat belt sign was switched on. There was a huge commotion with the air hostesses frantically trying to set things in order and get onto their seats. In no time the turbulence got even worse. There was an announcement on the speakers for the passengers to keep calm and there was nothing to be frightened about. As the announcement was going on, the flight suddenly started loosing altitude as a rate that could even frighten the best of best on air. In about 30 seconds the flight lost over 2000 feet altitude. The passengers and the crew alike started getting tensed and almost everyone started praying one way or the other. Just when it looked like everything was getting under control, the plane suddenly started free falling. Thats when he felt the cold water getting into his lungs and got out of the bathtub with a startle. Another nightmare and now only 2 hours left for the flight. Inspite of the sleep he was very tired for obvious reasons. 

He slowly got off the tub and dried himself with a towel. He looked at his reflection on the mirror and could sense fear in his eyes. The television was still on and the news channel was now running a program about the world air-mishaps and they were talking about the Boeing 330-200 mishap that had occurred a few years earlier. Frustrated, he slammed the power button of the TV to experience a moment's peace. As the departure was getting closer, he put on his crisply ironed attire and cleaned up his hotel room. He opened his wallet to look at his son's picture. He closed his eyes and thought about how his wife would be taking him to his classes early in the morning and how he would be making her life a living hell. He wanted to see them right now, but alas they were a few thousand kilometers away from him. He had very little packing to do, as he always preferred to travel light. He looked around to make sure that everything in the room was set in order and locked it before heading to the airport. 

He was walking slowly though the crowd. He had taken the same route several times and his motion was mechanical without any need to look for signs. The people around looked calm. That was reassuring for him till he by mistake looked at the direction of the televison. The reporter was once again blaring out about the missing Malaysian airlines plane.  There were a few people very much concerned about the disappearance of the flight flocking around the television.  They were showing the possible places where flight might have ended up. He froze there momentarily, before coming back to his senses. His upright posture and coolers brilliantly masked the fear that was building in his eyes. He craved for a shot of whiskey, but all he could lay hands was a shot of espresso. Though  he would have preferred the former,  the espresso was not bad either.  He continued his walk ahead. The security check was a mere formality for him as there was no one waiting in the line he had taken. So far so good. 

He could see the gigantic Airbus 380 waiting for him, its flawless design and gargantuan size was a sight to behold. This massive bird on air is one of the biggest marvels of the modern science and technology. If only the science of medicine had made the same kind of advancement and found a cure for the wavering frightened mind.  He sighed and slowly walked towards the giant bird. He boarded the flight and settled into his seat. He closed his eyes and went through his regular formalities. He slowly went on to make an announcement, "Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking. Welcome on board ....." 

Congratulations On turning 50 -NIT Trichy!!

Some time in late April 2010(I was in my final year of under graduation), an Alumni day was organised at NIT trichy, my undergraduate Alma Matter. The podium was set, decorated by many distinguished alumni and a very important person as the chief guest (I actually forgot who it was!!).  The top performers in each department were honoured along with several other awards for students who excelled in different areas like sports, culture, arts and science. And then there was me. As my name was being blared out on the microphone, the chief guest who was giving the award was quite bemused. He could hardly explain a huge grin on my face or the happiness and eagerness to get the certificate, and once again confirmed with the student assisting him, whether he read the award right? "Anand Chidhambaram Alumini Endowment award", for the "TENTH RANK HOLDER IN CHEMICAL ENGINEERING AT NIT TRICHY" (I knew in advance about this ofcourse).  Yes there was an award for coming 10th in a class of 40 odd students. I have no idea who Anand Chidambaram was/is or why this award is being given (will for sure find out some day), but there can be no better worthy candidate for the award than me.  Average in studies, absolutely nil extra curricular activities whose work spikes up during 2/3 particular times in a year like NITTFEST, Pragyan and department symposium, spending most of the day playing football either on computer or on the field, you could easily classify me as an "ordinary student".

 So why is this extra –“ordinary student" writing this piece? Nit Trichy is celebrating its golden jubilee year this July and unfortunately I won't be attending the facilitation function. I do feel bad for not attending it, And hence I am writing this l piece to show my gratitude to the insti. Its not a rehash of sporadic personal events (those things are truly personal only matter to me and my eclectic band of maverick buddies), but a practical look back at my time at NIT Trichy and what I learnt from it.  Its been 4 years since graduation, but the institute is a part and parcel of my life. There is a low motivation for being there in person as no professor would recognise me and I am not overly attached to any of the concrete structures there (possibly the CEESAT building and garnet football ground).  My personality that I would carry on to my grave was shaped at this haven, in the 4 uneventful years that I spent in Trichy.  

July 2006, I entered NIT Trichy straight from the highly competitive Tamil Nadu Higher secondary education system, as an awkward 18 year, not interested in anything other than studies, an introvert lacking confidence, with minimal English language skills, without an iota of an idea about my future and 4 years later left the place as an young man , who spent most of the last 6 months doing mostly stuffs – “extra curricular”, very confident about what I can do and what I cant, unafraid to try out new things in life, not intimidated by high IQ or opulence and ready to take on the world as I knew it that day or my dear readers, I left the place educated. If I can point at two things that made my life interesting at NIT

Ø   People:  If you need a beacon of diversity, you need not look further than NIT trichy. Students from all over the country, ( every state had a compulsory quota, sadly this has been scrapped)  attend this school. It is located in Tamil Nadu which is quite different from the rest of the country starting from language to mentality of the people. A simple yard stick for diversity is, in a class of 40 students in my department, students could speak 20 different languages. With diverse personalities, one starts appreciating the importance of cultural diversity. Ofcourse, its not always for the good, but the overall experience is amazing.

Ø   Independence:  The amount of free time that was available during my college days is scary (this a paradox though, when you are in a grt group even this time flies).  Every person can be what he wants by his/her choice.  There are not many places, which provide this luxury in a platter.

Unlike Sir Humphrey Appleby, I can list out the things I learnt at NIT Trichy and after in the following points,

1)           Survival of the fittest : It’s a belief that “survival of the smartest” is right way of life. Spending a semester at  NIT Trichy will easily burst this bubble. Its always the survival of the fittest -> the perfect concoction of smartness, hardwork and adaptability. If a person is deficient in one, it can be easily compensated by other.   

2)           Live In The Moment: Try to embrace how exciting life can be when one truly lives in the moment. Try out new things.

3)           Technical Education : It does not matter that much.  If one has the basics right, it’s the easiest part of the college education.

4)           People : First time off the supervision of the parents, in the first few days at NIT Trichy I met 100s of new people. What I learnt is that – “people of generally good, but its only a few with whom we are compatible”.

Ofcourse things were not all rosy. The heat, powercuts, mess food, lack of internet and trees, shabbily maintained campus (we should bear part of the blame), RGing among students, lack of infrastructure and research etc etc. But inspite of all these, after NIT Trichy days like most of us I missed it so much, still do.  I so much missed the place that I went back there the very next day after I packed up from the hostel (Yes I lived only 4 hrs away).  But then we miss things only after we lose them, a dangerous but perfectly normal human behaviour.  But now 4 years down the line I look back my days at NITT with great pride. And ofcourse I have some observations here also.

1.       The cycle: Keep in mind that you've missed things a thousand times before, and it always becomes easier. It may take weeks, or months, but it always does. Whether it's a place, a person, or your favorite food.

2.       Balance: Try to find a balance between the past and the present. Live in the moment, but never fully let go of your past. Keep in touch with old friends, and remember the events that made you the person you are today.

3.       Be Realistic: The most dangerous part of nostalgia is the tendency to romanticize. When you look back, look back on the past as it actually was. Doing so will prevent you from ranking the past as better than the present.

4.       Look Forward: Avoid excessive planning, but have a good vision. Your grandmother is right when she says you have a lot to look forward to. Be excited for, and do not fear, what lies ahead.

Recently I ran an half marathon, at Leiden, Netherlands,(for those of you who can recognise it, it’s the NITTFEST’10 Tee) and I dedicate my run to NITT. Ultimately what I want to thank NIT Trichy and its people for making me the human I am today. Even if I don’t find a place in the annals of NITT’s history, the annals of my history is heavily influenced by NITT.

Courtesy and manners

It was that time of the year again. He dreaded the summer vacations. He never understood the logic of going to a hotter place in summer, devoid of basic amenities like wifi and high speed internet. Fully bred and brought up in the city, he is used to a way of life very hard to give up.  He is ready to bid goodbye to his teenage in a few months, but still could not find a way to wriggle out of this family engagement. It was the family trip to their native place, rather his father's birthplace. The surroundings are as simple as it could get. Lush green paddy and sugarcane fields surround the village in all the 4 directions. Simple cement 40 feet roads, with small shops on the roadside. A main road that connects the two nearby towns passes through the village and is the sole entry/exit to the village. Spreading over a few square kilometers, the village had a population over 4000, it is amongst the most affluent ones in the state. The passage of days were like years.

He was finally thrilled as the 2 week long stint in this pre-Neanderthal place was coming to an end.  There was a nearby temple to visit, followed by lunch in a local hotel and then leave for the city, which is an 8 hour drive from the place.  It was the entire family going to the temple, with a headcount of over 20. Our protagonist being the youngest amongst a clan of cousins, did not have anybody in his age group. Meeting the family was fun for the first few days. But he was rather glad it was all coming to end. The temple visit was quite normal. Only thing that interested him was an elephant that was giving its blessing for free when offered a banana. Once the temple visit was over, the group divided into two and a group of around 8 people went for the lunch in a local hotel.

"The lunch in this hotel is simply not to be missed. Raghu, do you know it has not changed a bit since my childhood?" exclaimed an excited mother of our protagonist. He replied in the same way as had been doing for the past two weeks. A silly smile and a nod that meant absolutely nothing. The hotel had a pretty small entrance, that lead to a well lit dinning room. There were several small tables spread evenly across the room. The group further split  and took 2 different tables. It was quite busy with mainly tourists and devotees who had come to visit the temple. Our protagonist settled in a table with his parents and a distant relative. Right opposite to his table was a group of possibly locals sitting.

It was not the family or the country side that irritated him the most. It was the people, that put him off the most. They were so rustic and behaved in an ungainly manner. He could never stand their dirty clothes, rude words, and utter disregard for personal hygiene. While he was having his food, which was quite tasty to his surprise, he was disturbed by sounds the person sitting in the opposite table was making. He could have been a local farmer, dressed in a traditional wear. He had a thick mustache and beard. He was munching his meal making gangling sounds and postures. "They have absolutely no courtesy and manners. How can they develop if education has no meaning ?" Raghu asked himself the rhetoric question .

After the meal, he went ahead to wash his hands. To his pleasant surprise, he found liquid soap solution on the wash basin. He opened the tap and washed his hands. Then he squeezed the liquid soap solution and started cleaning his hands further. In the mean time the same man who was sitting opposite to Raghu, walked up behind taking raghu by surprise. He pushed raghu to the side and starred at him. " Are you from the city?" he grumbled.  Raghu nodded still trying to understand what was happening. He closed the water tap that was open full, "Do you know how much scarce water is in the village. You waste it as if its your  grandfather's property." Saying so he started mumbling, "The people from the city have no courtesy and manners. What is the use of the education?" Courtesy and manners are so subjective. Is it not?

Karna's Cry

The child in a basket floating through the deluge,
Fighting through the cusp to find the refugee,
In mother destiny's lap,
Being the lucky one left in solitude to fight.

The dark destiny meandering on the top,
The vultures circling to feast the corpse,
The basket of life drifting into the oblivion,
Its my deed holding a life's yearn.

The weight of the chariot piercing my arm,
The arrows shredding my heart,
The revered one plotting my  harm,
And my own blood cheering my last breath.

A teacher's revered hand,
A brother's soothing shoulder,
A mother's warm lap,
Pass by my severed heart's grasp.

Feeling the ache to sing to the world,
Its not kindness but victory,
Its not loyality but the birth of right,
Its not righteousness but the perceived truth.

Now the final thread,
Holding me afloat on the chasm,
Is least required in my final abode,
I give it to you, oh the giver!!

The race

There were a few people scattered around the stadium. The inter school athletics competition is not the most glamorous of the events in the city. The people present were mostly the parents of the children participating or the teachers accompanying the students. Sprinkled in the midst were a handful of enthusiastic organizers. The play ground, where the track and field events were to take place, was actually an hockey field which was also sporadically used as a football field. There was no grass on the track, as most wilted away during the scorching summer. It was the beginning of  the autumn and weather was quite pleasant for the time of the year. Ungainly dark clouds were visible at a distance, but at present there was a mild sunshine accompanied with a cool breeze. The conditions were perfect for the races. There was then a loud message in the speaker, "Under -12 800 m will commence in 20 minutes at track 2." The announcement led to a minor commotion and created a bit of excitement as 800 m is one of the most popular events. The track for the 800 m event is two rounds of 400 m each.

"Good luck son, make your father proud!" exclaimed a visibly exited father to his son, Satish. Satish was nodding his head. He was the runner up in last year's competition and his father badly wanted him to win this time around. Next year he would have compete in the under 14s and the competition would be a lot harder than under 12s. His father was quiet confident that his son would win the competition. He was a full 2 seconds faster than last year. His father, being a track and field athlete in his younger days was also his coach. "Remember to always breath in with your nose at the beginning. As you hit the top speed you may use your mouth to breath, but mostly stick to the nose", continued his father. He had a long list of last minute advises for his son. Dressed in his running gear, the boy was quite confident himself.

The youngsters lined up at track 2. There were 8 students competing. Satish was the oldest of them all. His father was feeling proud looking at his son make a perfect crouch start position. With the start of the race only a few seconds away, both father and son could feel the adrenaline pumping. THREE TWO ONE and GO!! The father got off his seat and started clapping. Satish had made the near perfect start. He had the perfect poise and balance and was leaving others trailing in his wake. "Come on!!" his father was shouting punching his fist. He knew that the race was his son's to lose from here on.  The first 250 m was near perfect and his on had a good 10 m on his nearest competitor.

But suddenly one of the boys, who was in the 4th position suddenly moved up a gear and was coasting past others. The father could sense that his son had a potential threat. By 400 m the distance between the boys reduced to less than a meter. And slowly but surely the other boy was gaining the upper hand. But his son would not give up without a fight. The two boys were giving it all out there. There could be only one winner. It was only the last 100 m left and the other boy started to overtake, inspite of the best of Satish's effort. His father was all disappointed. He knew Satish had almost no chance as the momentum was with the other boy.  He could not take another second prize. But he was nonetheless proud of satish's effort. He did not give up with out a fight.  He was praying all heavens for a miracle to happen.

And the miracle almost did happen. The unkempt track had a small bump and the other boy tripped on it and rolled over on to the side of the field. The father could not believe what he was seeing. He almost prayed for this to happen and it happened. To his amazement and the bewilderment of the onlookers he started cheering the fall. Satish would be the champion. Its his race now. He had already started celebrating. "And the winner is David" shouted the voice in the microphone. Shocked, the father returned to his senses and tried to make sense of what had just happened!! As the other boy fell off the track, the first person to go to his aid was Satish!!

Hope

The fruit of success,
Is like a game of chess,
The more he thinks,
The lesser he blinks.

But life is no game,
And this acceptance is no shame.
The joy of the soldier,
Is not in the eyes of the beholder.

Waiting to impress the maiden,
To accompany to the Eden,
The soldier embarks his quest,
Unarmed in his chest.

Journey is not arduous,
As the end is joyous,
Is the haven of hope,
that pushes him like an ethereal dope. 

Shared Vision for Success

This is an excerpt of a very nice workshop conducted in the Area conference of Toastmasters held at Nijkerk this January by Gustavo L Guerriero. The speaker wonderfully highlighted the importance of having a collective vision for the success of a group. It is a concept that can be utilized in all walks of life.

Relationships built on unified goals

Having a shared vision for the team or board will have an enduring impact, since it turns the team into a social identity group. Social Identity Groups increase commitment and loyalty, whether to sports teams or brands or organizations. Its positive impact improves by reviewing it and the collective excitement about it regularly. 

In teams, organizations and communities, sustained desired change can be motivated by bringing the people into what is called, PEA (Positive Emotional Attractor) while creating a shared vision, and then periodically, reminding people of this shared vision and purpose.

You can attempt to create a tipping point and move a person into the PEA by arousing hope, compassion, mindfulness, or playfulness.

How do we do that?

Types of Activities that invoke the experience of:

1. Mindfulness: meditation, yoga, tai chi, Prayer, Physical exercise etc

2. Compassion: being in a loving relationship; having pets you can pet (i.e., dogs, cats) volunteering and helping those less fortunate,

3. Hope: thinking and talking with others about a future dream, personal or shared; being

4. Playfulness: laughing with others

Asking questions that arouse the PEA:

1. If your life were perfect and your dreams come true, what would your life and work be like in 10‐15 years? [vision/hope]

2. What are the values or virtues that are most important to you? What kind of person would you love to be? [mindfulness]

3. Who helped you the most become who you are or get to where you are?

How to guide the conversation?

1. Ask questions that are likely to arouse the PEA in the coachee

2. Pay attention to the tipping points in the coachee’s mood during the conversation

3. Evoke a clear image of the coachee’s ideal self or personal vision

4. Identify specific people or key relationships in the coachee’s life and whether they are resonant or dissonant

Final Comments:

• Remind people of the purpose or vision of the organization. This arouses context, meaning   and hope.

• Be prepared with cues or questions to help them into the PEA

• Be prepared to offer some of your own reflections on the same question –It often feels  mutual

• Be prepared with ways to bring them back into the PEA if they start to slip into the NEA

• Go by feeling, not performance

• Make it a habit

Do’s:

‐  Engage people

‐  Challenge 

‐  Listen

‐  Make people feel part of what is going on

  Keep them informed

‐  Involve people in the discussion

‐  Make people feel part of the organization

The conscience

He was 15 and had never done that. He used to look down upon the people who used to do it and felt it was a sin. The speed at which the tables turn is frightening. His friends were experts and had tried to influence our protagonist very much, without any success. It required a close West Indies – India test match at Port of Spain to corrupt the incorruptible. He always dreaded the West Indies tours.  His day starts early in the morning like any normal class X student and extended till the final session of the day, at 3 AM. Sleep was the most precious thing in his life and the last 2 minutes in bed used to extend almost the entire day at school.  But this particular day he had his History exam. He had two options the previous night, to watch match and flunk the exam, to watch the match and cheat in the exam. As expected he chose the latter.  Teachers had caught up with technology and had started checking mobile phones for photographs and he had to improvise. He decided to go old school and made chits. He had a 2 page summary of Mayan civilization from his class notes, 4 page summary of the Mesopotamian and another 2 page summary of Ghengis Khan folded up in his back pocket. He did not as much want to succeed as he did not want to fail.

Nerves and lack of confidence usually pull down the chances of a novice criminal. Add to this conscience, one has the perfect concoction for disaster. He was first of all not sure if he had the balls to commit the crime. Equally disturbing him was his conscience. Integrity was always his Hallmark and deep down the heart he kept hearing a low but powerful voice that kept saying, -“it was not worth it”.  But the dent in reputation that would arise from flunking the exam was too painful even to imagine. Suppressing the inner voice with all the might he had, he went on eating his breakfast.  It was just 30 minutes away and every passing minute was an echelon in itself.

As he reached his school, his eclectic band of maverick buddies were there to greet him. It was a motley of boys with diverse ambitions and attitudes, and when few of them flaunted their perfect plans for cheating in the exam, our protagonist had his heart in his mouth. He, with little success tried to ignore all those around him and slowly entered the examination hall, settling down.  He kept his face as stoic as possible, trying to hide the inner turmoil that was squeezing out every bit of courage he had. A quick look around and he could see all kinds of students. The confident, the nervous and the carefree.  Deep breaths did not calm his nerves. The supervising teacher gave him the question paper and walked past ignoring the deluge of sweat that decorated his forehead.

“Explain in detail the conquests of Ghengis Khan and the territories he captured. Also describe his battle strategies providing examples” read the 10 mark question.  He had a beautiful sensation of 10 full marks resting peacefully in his back pocket. All he had to do was take out the papers and finish off the question as quickly as he could. He looked around and saw his fellow students writing intently. There was the invigilator, who was sitting in the front with a magazine in hand. It was his chance. “It is just a midterm, is it worth losing one’s integrity over such a petty thing?” His inner voice had broken its shackles and alas, our protagonist was starting to get confused again.

  “Mam, I need to go to the restroom.” As soon as the teacher nodded her head, he ran, ran like his life depended on it. The nearest restroom was just few yards away. But his luck, it was closed for cleaning. He had to run across the playground and use the one behind a set of buildings that was constructed new. He ran a good 100 m across the ground and reached the restroom with the same satisfaction as Jessi Owens once felt in Berlin. He threw the papers near the restroom and with adrenalin pumping high returned with the same pace as he set out.  After returning, with a sigh of relief he sat back and started writing whatever he remembered from the class.

In a few minutes there were a couple of people coming into the exam room. Our protagonist’s name was called out and to his greatest shock; he had the same papers that he threw near the restroom lying on the table.  With all the adrenalin pumping 10 minutes back, he had forgotten that the restroom was located just behind the newly constructed staff rooms and about 10 teachers witnessed his courageous Jessi Owens act driven by his conscience, his bloody conscience.  

Gora - The book review.

GORA - Profoundly indian novel

Someone once asked me what is Indian culture? A simple question it is, the more I thought the more I realized that this is a question for which I cannot give an honest answer as my knowledge on this subject is limited at best. GORA is a book helps a person or at least tries to, in understanding how interesting Indian culture is. It is a brilliant story of self searching and self discovery. I have read this book thrice at different stages of my adulthood and each time I have increasingly admired the motley of issues tackled.  GORA is profoundly Indian and educates the reader about the society's complexity in a simple yet powerful way which spins us into a spiral of asking ourselves the questions which otherwise we would consider trivial and irrelevant.  No other book gives so masterly an analysis of the complex of Indian social life with its teeming contradictions, or of the character of Indian nationalism which draws its roots from renascent Hinduism and stretches out its arms towards universal humanism. Originally written in Bengali by Rabindranath Tagore, it was later translated into English by WW Pearson in 1924. Tagore is widely regarded as the greatest writer India has ever produced and GORA is considered his finest. I cannot agree more.

GORA is the story of Gourmohan (Gora- as he is fondly referred to), a pristine Hindu, who prohibits himself from even eating from his open-minded mother, and his journey of self-realisation, fuelled by a determination to empower India. Gora's parents are Krishnadhayal, a semi hermit, who had given up the worldly association to immerse himself in a life penance and  a more liberal  Anadamoyi who is an outcaste within the Hindu society because of her views and close association with her lower caste maid Lachmiya.  Binoy, a highly educated orthodox person, having developed a relationship of mutual trust over the years that goes beyond realms of friendship, is the trusted lieutenant of Gora. 

Then there is Paresh Babu and his Brahmo family, consisting of his wife Miss Baroda, foster children Sucharita and her brother Satish, and three daughters, the eldest being the spirited Lolita.  A good part of the novel is spent on establishing the characters. This part gave a preview into the minds and aspirations of the people who lived in a different era to the one the contemporary readers live in.  There are also other important characters in the novel like Haran babu, the local Brahmo leader, Harimohini the orthodox Auntie of sucharita, and Abinash, the local right wing Hindu leader. None of the characters are fully black or white and do always the right thing according to their beliefs. To completely understand the significance of this story, one has to understand the background of the Brahmo Samaj. Started by Raja Ram Mohan Roy in the early 19^th century, it stood against the blind superstitious practices in the society. Positively influenced by the intellectuals returning from England, slowly lost ground as it moved further away from the common man, too intellectual for him to comprehend.  This story was written when the samaj was at its peak prowess.

The novels follows the lives of two sets of people with contrasting beliefs and how their lives get intertwined with each other because of the a common string in their personalities – the respect for humanity.  The mundane day today proceedings are written in an absorbing way that compels a reader to understand things from the characters’ perspective. Gora, the principle protagonist has a past unknown to him that could send the foundations on which his character is based tumbling down the hill. The novel slowly builds up to a finale, which is simple yet powerful.  The book captures the essence of the religious turmoil happening in Bengal in early 20th century.

Humanity’- above all religion is the core of the classic novel. This is citied with references of a poor Muslim’s wife bringing up a Hindu child, Anandamoyi a Hindu bringing up orphan Gora irrespective his Irish ethnicity and Paresh Babu believer of Brahmo(Christian) taking care of a Hindu girl and her brother, reflects the very basics of humanity, love for each other irrespective of beliefs they were born in. The Indian society which seems to be rigidly divided into many religious beliefs - Hindus, Muslims and Christians when analysed, actually bind together in a common thread of humanity, which super-ceeds all religions known. And Gora learns this with his experiences and a hidden truth.

This novel has many strong points and characterisation should top the list.  It’s a fact that humans are bombarded with in securities, large portion of it stemming from the simple fact we are intolerant to an opinion that we do not agree with. While Gora and Lolita roar with their personality, Sucharita and Binoy are more subtle. Their actions and thoughts, though are influenced heavily by people around, their turmoil is the easiest we can relate to. Strength and compassion are two traits that these two sets of characters embody respectively.  There is Paresh Babu and Anadamoyi who with their wealth experience pave their own middle path. There is Paran Babu, Miss Baroda, Krishnadayal and Harimohini who are totally intolerant to an outside view (Paran babu and Baroda are Brahmos, while Krishanadayal and Harimohini are orthodox). The conversations between them are engaging and take the readers to a higher level of intellectual discussion without choosing sides.  Are we against the traditions because we strongly believe that there is something wrong with the system and is archaic or do we belittle them because it’s easier to do so? Do we follow traditions because we understand what they mean or do we follow traditions because we do just what we were told?   

This is not a book that answers questions regarding religion, society and personal motivation in being part of a society, but something that points us at the right questions we can ask ourselves to understand these subjects.  Though novel was set in early 1900s, it cannot be classified as archaic and out of date.  Human relationships are wonderfully captured,  be it the romance, between Lolita and Binoy or Sucharita and Gora , the bromance between Gora and Binoy, the teacher student relation between Paresh babu and sucharita all leave a mark.  Mutual-respect and dignity are the common traits that hold these relationships together.  The portrayal of strong and independent  women is quite revolutionary, considering the period  and my favorite is that of sucharita. The level of maturity and extent of vulnerability she exhibits belies her age ( Tagore portrays her  as a 13 year old! ).  She along with Lolita, the powerful women characters in the novel constantly affect Gora and Binoy revealing to them the power of women and the love and compassion. The character a common reader can relate to easily is Binoy, a traditionalist who is torn between what he feels right and what is said to be right. His love for Lolita, the change that brings in him and his confrontations with Gora, are two places where the character wins over the reader.   

Accolades for this book can go on and no amount of words would justify how powerful this book is. If you have not read this, pls get a copy and enjoy it.