The crisis of faith

It has been exactly 69 hours since we heard the news and 75 hours since they were abducted. Three school students in their late teens were abducted en route to a national math olympiad. Like many other proud parents, we were elated to learn that Rahul was selected to the represent the state at the national math Olympiad. One amongst thirty from a pool of infinite competition is an achievement to savor. But little did we predict what followed. The thoughts of losing a dear one at the heights of personal satisfaction is a feeling that we can seldom understand and comprehend. We were for sure holding up pretty well considering the trauma we were going thru.

There were two other sets of people who were sharing our implausible restlessness. I dont even remember what their names are. We had payed the ransom money in full about 2 hours ago and it was en route to the abductors. A peek at the boys in a two minute video was all that we were privileged to. But since then we had been treated to a concoction of  hope and fear. We were clearly told by the police that paying the ransom money was a big risk. But as parents, thats the only thing we could have done. I could sense the restless ness in my wife's eyes. She silently said a prayer once again for the umpteenth time and slowly rested on my shoulders. Even without the exchange of words, the emotions in the room were flying high. When you envision a future, working hard for it, its instances like this that actually make us wonder if it is worth all the effort we put in.

Interestingly its not only 'hope' that we all shared. A sense of belief in a power thats beyond the realms of human understanding and something that gives a sense of security however trivial and anti- nonchalant it might sound. Most of us live with a hope that, this omnipotent power can magically ward off most of the evils that we encounter. And here each of us were invoking the Almighty's attention in our own way. Every passing minute was like an eternity and the hope of meeting our beloved starting melting away.

In this midst, there started a commotion in the building. I looked at my wife confused and she reciprocated back with the same look. All the officers were getting nervous/excited and started moving here and there. Couple of officers were shouting instructions in their walki-talkies. One of the other concerned parents walked upto to us and said, "Do you have any idea what they are upto? I am not sure if we would be briefed continuously"! "No we also have no idea. I guess we have to wait a bit longer. Lets always hope for the best." By this time the other set of parents also joined us. Three sets of strangers connected by a string of hope and fear. We caught hold of one of the guys in uniform who was  running past us with a bunch of files. "Sir, whats happening. Give us some updates please!!" "I am not sure if I can say anything. But I think you people deserve to know. It seems that the exchange of ransom did not go as planned. There was a shootout between the police and the abductors. The causality is still unlear. I dont know what is the exact situation." I was numb with anxiety. Some how the internal trauma was well disguised in the stoic exterior. I could sense that a couple of people were beginning to lose their composure. I instinctively asked "Do you know anything about the kids. Please tell something!!" After a couple of refusals and he reluctantly said, "One of the boys were caught in the cross fire. We are trying to confirm who exactly it is." Though he tried to be diplomatic, the implications were clear to me. They are trying to identify the dead boy. One of the three is dead.

As this information slowly sunk into us, the glances exchanged started becoming hostile. And so started a deluge of prayers.The supreme power has a task at hand. Thankfully I am not making not that choice and can pray my heart out hoping that he will not pick us. It would be interesting to know the how he makes this choice.

Happy Deepavali!!

Hoping for the good as always!!

A silent solution

Day 3: She was getting in at her usual station.  After only two casual sightings, she has had an impression on me. They way she shows her pass to the person checking, the way she radiates her persona, the subtle smile that she always has in her face, all looks so very poetic for me. Once again when she looked in my direction, our eyes meet and a mutual acknowledging smile followed. The smile and almost everything associated with our so called interaction is a pleasure for me. Though I did try not to embarass her by constantly staring, my self control had been put to its greatest test. After a tough days work this is a welcome relief. and meeting the same person in this busy modern life is as serendipitous as one can hope for. So without too much more thoughts, i just let myself drown in this little fun of mine till she gets down.

Day 5: Today is the day. From Monday till Thursday I was lucky. So if she gets in today, i will definitely have a small chat with her. Possibly we will share this bus journey for long or she she could get out of station the very next week. So with quite a bit of excitement  I was looking at the entrance at her stop. And she did not disappoint me. She came in armed with her smile. She, within a few moments, looked at my direction. And There I was ready to return her complement and smile back. This particular day has been a very good one for me. My work, a call from a good friend and many more small things going my way. Confidence has been building in me for quite sometime. And today for the second time there was another casual eye contact. And another smile. I waved at her, as  her stop was approaching. Another small head nod and she was ready to get down.

I quickly followed her . Still there were quite some people between us. The railway station stop is one of the most busiest in the entire route. I slowly made my way through the deluge of people. she was a few meters away from me now. I got close to her and was almost on par with her. "Hello miss, excuse me", I started. There was absolutely no reaction from here. she kept on going ahead. I tried my luck once again. this time with a stronger tone. No response still. My pride was hurt. I was not sure if I should barge in front of her. The tagline of maturity was weighing heavily on my back. So confused I stood there weighing up my options. She continued with with her brisk walk. As she was about to cross the road, some thing happened with her sandals. She was busy correcting that. A speeding car was approaching her and blaring out its horn. There was absolutely no reaction from her. For a moment I was shocked and was dumbfounded. Thankfully a passerby pulled her off just in time and  I breathed a sigh of relief. She said sorry in a language that was music to my eyes and mind. She apologised to the driver and the person who helped her in what looked like a sign language. I exactly know in what direction I want to walk now.

Barfi - A Review

Barfi - Poetry on Screen

A trailer that gets the people buzzing is always wonderful, but  if the movie fails to live up to the expectations, then its a bigger disappointment. But this is an exception. The movie was better than the trailer. A simple story said in an absorbing manner with a delightful mix of romance, comedy and emotions is a perfect "cocktail". By the time some of you might read this review you would have heard great things about the movie and I can vouch that all of it is true.

The movie tells the story of Barfi (Ranbir kapoor), a deaf and dumb happy go lucky charmer,  from Darjeeling. Set mostly in Darjeeling and Kolkata, his story is narrated by his acquaintances. Named after the his mom's favorite Murphy radio, his name gets transformed to Barfi. He has the knack of being chirpy even in the most serious of situations. And his happiness is epidemic!! We audience, like the rest of the characters, are the gleeful victims. Entering his life is the gorgeous but engaged Shruthi (Illeana), whom he falls for instantly. She is also charmed and falls for him slowly. Their interaction scenes are a delight to watch. But reality strikes and she ends up with the more affluent Ranjeet ( Jishnu Senguptha) leaving Barfi broken.

Then there is Jilmill (Priyanka Chopra), a childhood friend of Barfi, who is mentally challenged and seen as an embarrassment even by her own parents. A twist in the fate makes Barfi kidnap Jilmill and spend more than intended time with her. Jilmill is a complex grown up child who is in awe with Barfi and he also slowly but surely realises that he has been second time lucky in finding love. They move to Kolkata and start afresh. In the mean time they are continuously pursued by a police officer (The brilliant Saurab Shukla).  Another twist in fate, Sruthi enters their life as Mrs Senguptha. What follows is the story of bitter sweet relationship of the three and how this turns their life upside down.

The caste is wonderful starting from the irresistible Ranbir Kapoor. His off screen persona could be under question, but on onscreen he is an absolute delight to watch. With this performance he has left most of his contemporaries trailing in his wake. Then Illeana as Sruthi has given an adequate performance. Her transformation of Shruthi to Mrs Senguptha to Post - Mrs Senguptha (But why should liberated women end up as social workers?? - its getting cliched) is truly wonderful. Just like Mrs.Senguptha Illeana's acting matures throughout the movie. Its a complex character and Illeana does justice to that role. Hopefully bollywood has got its new Dream Girl. Now coming to the actual screen stealer - Priyanka chopra. This has to go down as one of the best performances ever seen in Bollywood and possibly Indian Cinema. One has to watch the movie to really appreciate the beauty of the portrayal of Jillmil. You can run out of superlatives. But Jillmil will stay in your heart for a long time. The supporting cast is wonderful lead by Saurab shukla. Special  mention should also go to person playing Jillmil's caretaker. The ensemble of able actors have delivered a masterful performance.

Anurag Basu comes back after souless Kites with a wonderful story. The attention to the details is absolutely wonderful. Like Barfi learning words (so that i guess a predominantly righthanded ranbir made to write in left), the dyslectic 'B' taught to him by Jillmil, the trams of darjeeling and many more. This is a story that made me think a lot while viewing. This is something of a rarity in Hindi movie where everything  happening on the screen is blared out atleast twice. That leads to the next point that should be applauded. The dialogues for this movie would be as long as this review. Such a strong impression without dialogues is first of a kind in Hindi cinema. The scenes involving Jillmil and Barfi in the second half were shot without a word spoken and viewers are captivated. Pritam comes up with a BGM that stirs our soul. Cinematography capturing Darjeeling is a feast to our eyes. Technically, this movie must be up with the best.

On the downside the first half drags a bit towards intermission, the tortuous chronology of events tests viewers' patience as well as shoddy make up for the characters in their oldage is an eyesore. Also few scenes have the influence of Notebook and Charlie chaplin comedies. These minor irritants are plastered by a wonderful end product on screen. Its a story about inherent goodness of the people in a utopia envisioned by Anurag. After watching the movie many of us will fall in love with falling in love. But lets not carried away as we are not the Ranbirs and illeanas and we dont have puppeteer like anurag making us that charismatic. Like any good poetry just enjoy this journey w/o too many questions and you are sure to get your moneys worth.

The simple truth

As he mounted the jeep, it was rather satisfactory."We did it. We have Wriggled our selves a niche position in the history" said the enthusiastic youngster holding his Yugoslavian Mauser M-48BO with pride to his fellow comrade. It has been less than 20 hours since their troops successfully captured the country's capital from the incumbent President. These two youngsters had the painful job of segregating the corpses along the city markets so that a semblance of  normality could be restored to the war ravaged city. The dead military personal as well as the insurgents and the common denizens were heaped together and were being burnt continuously in a nearby corner. They also had ended the misery of a few police men who were still alive.

 The place that was once a picturesque trade center was shredded to peaces. But these boys were particularly chirpy, though stench of the rotting corpses was crossing the bearable limits. Add to that the cold wind was not helping their cause either.  They had been to the University together and were unceremoniously evicted following articles against the autocratic regime. They joined the uprising rather at the end. The cause and the hope of a free future was an ethereal dope that kept them going even under the most extreme of the situations. 

"Finally we can get back to the university." "People of this country would be very proud of us." The task at the hand was rather finally getting to them. "I wish we could have reduced this carnage. The human loss has been colossal" said the first kid who was collecting the limbs of a dead person. They went at it for more than six hours and had another couple of hours work left. Totally drained, they sat down on a huge boulder near by and put aside their weapons. This was previously a park at the city center which was a huge attraction. The people around the area either migrated to the northern part or lost their homes and shifted to a local relief camp. The whereabouts of those who had decided to stay on were unknown and many had lost their lives in the cross fire.

Suddenly they heard a rumble behind one of the bushes followed by what sounded like a human snoring. The kids got their Soviet NR 43 Combat Knife ready to strike and followed the snoring sound. On a stone bench laid a person who looked to be sleeping. These two were surprised. They themselves has not slept for more than 40 hours and the stench around the place was rather unbearable. A rag covered most of his body. They went and shook of the rag. Inside was a middle aged man, injured, but alive and sleeping. But what caught their eye was the military coat he was wearing. The second kid wanted to kill him straight away. As he was ready to use his combat knife, the first kid stopped him. "Look at his pants and shoes. He does not look part of the infantry." "He could be in disguise." "We have killed enough people today. Lets just give him a chance." Saying so the first kid, shook the person who was atleast 20 years elder. The guy wearily opened his eyes to the rifle pointing to his face.  "Comrade, introduce yourself and what are you doing here?" asked the first kid. "I am one of the guys from this neighborhood. I lost my home in the bombing. And i am here just to catch some sleep" said the weary person. He held out his identity proof that was issued by the insurgents to differentiate between normal people and infantry. Convinced that he was just a common man, the first kid asked him angrily "Then why the hell are you wearing a military coat?"   "Is it  a military attire? I had no idea. It was just too cold!!"

The unique sojourn

Source : abighairyspider.blogspot.com

Through my hawkish vision
I look back at my mission
The might of the tortuous choice
In the large labyrinth, shattering my poise

Though there is a need for a guiding hand
To disperse the confusion with a magic  wand
It's a luxury that I can ill  afford
traversing the horizon on my own accord.

 

The journey has never been even paced,
I sure  want a few paths retraced,
An adulation for where I am,
And my destination shown without a qualm.

But scripting every rule,
Making decisions like a fool,
Has gains that's Unwritten,
That keeps me glued and smitten.

The sojourn of a fellow higher animal,
Has effects in you that's minimal,
Never fearing their dis-repect,
Its your strength that you will not suspect.

Avoiding the jitters to venture alone,
Than connect being someone's clone,
Revering hands that guide,
And travel ahead as their comrade.

All can say if its good or bad,
Point at things that went right or wrong,
But I will always be glad,
And claim its my song!!

Insomnia

"Hello Doctor"
"So insomnia again?
I guess there is no other go. I have to hypnotize you. Are you up for it? "
"Yup. There is no other option."
Saying thus she laid on the push back chair. The train of thoughts in her mind simply could not let her remain calm. The thoughts that hit her were  so petty that she could hardly remember it even after a few passing seconds. She drifted onto a road not travelled before. The commotion is the road was too  much to bear. There were cars and buses running haphazard with no sync. She could sense a distinct lack of cohesion and could feel the ground below her trembling.

To her  relief a small girl came and held her hands tightly. She felt a sigh of relief. Slowly the cars dwindled and  the  empty road began to gape at her rather eerily. The small girl who came to her rescue was nowhere to be seen. She felt really bad. "I ought to atleast thank her"-she to herself and started looking for her. The empty horizon aided her in spotting the girl at a distance.

In small girl's eyes she found a sort of  melancholy that attracted her to the girl's abode. She slowly paced her way into the house. Everything was so familiar to her.

 "She is not at all moving. Come on Addie please dont make me cry. Come on lets go on for a walk" exclaimed the tear-filled girl to her mother cuddling a limp poodle. 

"We have to break this slowly to her. Poor thing can never understand what has just happened." The mother whispered to her husband. He slowly lifted up the small girl. He took her for a small stroll. The small girl was visibly tired after all the crying. She laid in her bed and  said to her dad, "Why did addie not come with us for the walk?" "Addie will not be us anymore. Its because she is dead."
"So why he cant wake up?"
"How can I explain it to you? See death is a demon. Its like when you go to deep sleep, he engulfs you and one can  never wake up again!!! "

And thus the girl never slept properly again!!

India food diary

4 weeks in India and a few kilos Gained!! Though mom's food was the main reason I tested the limits of my body's immune power, tasting various cuisines across different states. Here is a list of my top 5 things I enjoyed outside "different mothers' cookings".

5th Position : Ven pongal with moong dhal sambar
Place : Shri Yogi ram surath kumar ashram, thiruvennamalai
Specialty :  Dripping ghee and a unique sambar made from moong dhal
Prasadams(Offerings to religious deities) in temples are simply delicious. Add to that an ashram with good funding who can afford good quality ghee and a wonderful cook, you get your gluttonous appetite quenched. A word for fitness freaks- keep yourself away from this heavy south indian breakfast.

4th position: Masala Dosa with special karnataka smabar, ghee roast
Place: Some hotel in bangalore in Koramangala that ends with Sagar (Rad side hotel with stools around with people stand and eat), Adayar anandha bhavan in chennai.
Long ago, long long ago, very long ago I fell in love with dosa!! I genuinely think that one gets the best dosa in Tamil nadu. But sadly i have to admit that dosa in bangalore is very unique. Additionally the sambar there gets an awesome flavor because of the Bedige chilli used in the preparation of the powder. I absolutely loved the masala dosa in bangalore. Thankfully to save tamil nadu's  respect, adayar anandha bhavan served me with a wonderful ghee roast. So 4th place is a tie between these two dosas. Sadly my trusted ghee masala dosa in saravana bhavan was a disappointment this time.

3rd position: Pani puri
Place : Amchi mumbai, anywhere on the roadside
I cannot say anything about this!! You just have to feel and just enjoy and not think even a bit about the water that the vendor uses.  Most of the times this would come first!! But this time I was plain lucky.

2nd Position: Masala Puri
Place: Neyveli  book fair, neyveli
No this is not a Chaat from mumbai. Neither it is the famous south indian breakfast Puri masala. Its a brilliant concoction of a Mumbai chaat like name and a typical south indian taste that liberally uses all the ingredients of a famous mumbai chaat and south indian masalas. Its a brain child of a local vendor in neyveli (I think) and can be tasted only once a year in the Famous neyveli book fair!!

Ist place: Molaga bhaji (Chilli bhaji)
Place : Beseant Nagar beach, chennai
Easily a dish that could give the terrifying kolapuri veg roll a run for its money!! Eaten along with an equally terrifying tomato chatni,  its the best dish I tasted in the last 4 weeks. A thing of beauty that is not to be  missed by the spicy food lovers. A word of caution - only two of us were able to complete one full bhaji amongst a group of 5 people. And we had to drink about 3 bottles cold water after sharing a plate (6 bhajis).

Its a hastily written post!! But I am sure most of you would have enjoyed the above mentioned items though I am heavily biased against south indian cusine!!  Things that almost made it to the list are Maduri idlis, Rajdhani thali in express avenue in chennai and the wonderful mexican sandwich in the notoriously famous leopold cafe near the Gate way of india in Mumbai.

The RVP Conundrum - A delusional arsenal fan's prespective!!

RVP after his scorcher against charlton in 2006

"You should always try to show respect, and this is just basic stuff that all human beings should have in their life – just being nice to people. It’s the little things, like giving people a minute of your time in the street, you show them respect, and live with your principles on life."

 This was what Robin van Persie had said when he was given the arsenal arm band last August. For once I was so happy that the footballer I loved watching had actually said that is apt for for all walks of life. Even when he was injured I used to support him with utmost loyalty. I even tried to choke a friend of mine as he tried to mock a RVP miss. Over the period of 7 months from August 11 to February 12 the respect I had for him quadrupled. The way he had encouraged his team mates during the 4-3 Blackburn fiasco, and the subsequent winners in almost all the matches that followed, I started idolizing him and started seeing him in the same bracket as Dennis Bergkamp. The height of which was the goal against spurs on 26th February 2012 at the Emirates and the his celebration that followed!! I was so very happy that day as it spurred me to take one of the most idiotic decisions in my life. 

But what followed is nothing short of a disaster personally as an arsenal fan!!  Every year I have been an eternal optimist hoping that Arsenal would win something inspite of Losing its captains. For once I was so damn sure that there is a player who is ready to put his everything for the club. But alas i was served with the most damning of reality checks!! Here is the statement he released recently. He has come out and said that arsenal lacked ambition when, for once they bought couple of decent players at the beginning of a transfer window. Really what is ambition? Buying the best player in every position, that's not ambition, that's football manager 2012 or Find a sheikh for unlimited funds and win everything every season, that's not ambition that's cheating and doesn't really fulfill the true sense of achievement. Look at Ajax 1995 for inspiration.

Robin van persie was the first person Wenger bought post the invincible season. Coming to a team full of superstars he came with quite a reputation of being a hot head. Following the pattern of youngsters being integrated into the team via Carling cups, he became a first team regular by 2006. His best moments came against Blackburn and Charlton. The period from 2004-10 was littered with countless injuries, niggles and lay offs. In almost all those years, he had missed the crucial times of the season, but the  touch of class was always apparent whenever he played!! He formed a lethal partner ship with adebyor in the beginning of 2008-09 season. It was a partnership that was broken more due to financial reasons than footballing ones. Understandably fabregas is the biggest footballing talent to have graced Arsenal in the past few years. RVP comes a very close second. The biggest surprise was when he was offered a new 4 year contract when he actually had played only 20 games in 2008-09 season. I dont think any other club would have done that.

So what will the departure of RVP mean. Another year of rebuilding. Another year of no trophy (most likely) and another summer of trying to hold on to our precious talent.(Is there someone left?? ox of jack possibly). Over the past 7 years I have seen most of my favorite players leaving arsenal. Cole, Viera, Henry, Helb, Flamini, Fabregas and the list is endless. Along with the departure of Fab, RVP will be the most painful. The present team was built around him. If Henry was the hero of Hiburey, emiretes has had only one prodigal son and it is RVP w/o doubt.

I feel so terribly sorry for Arsene Wenger tonight. Whatever mistakes he might have made during his tenure, at his heart he is an Arsenal man. Through and through. The club had come before his own family. The club has come before his own ambitions and interest. For all the faith and time and effort he has put into helping RVP become the player he is, Wenger is left with only disappointment. Just like cesc, just like nasri, just like cole and adebayor. He is one supreme eternal optimist and a sagacious patriarch who will not bend even a tiny little bit from his principles. Players have been continuously stabbing him from the rear and he has been valiant enough to  take it in his stride and still produce a team decent enough to compete in most competitions.

Wherever he goes I hope RVP remains the focus of that team. I would prefer if he chooses Juventus. The old lady are a striker away from becoming a fantastic team. But one thing is for sure, he would never achieve the same cult status he enjoys amongst the arsenal fans. One of the bitter lessons we all should learn is that "Life is like riding a bicycle - in order to keep your balance, you must keep moving." - Einstein.  The same is applicable for Arsenal and Wenger must have perfected that art by now.

Personally i will try reduce the emotional attachment with the players and the club as it has been really painful. Its better to be professional and just follow the club.  But as always I will hope that arsenal win the quadruple and this fellow has a blinder becoming the best midfielder in europe. (No i am not kidding!!)

Hoping that diaby has an RVPisque return from injury!!

The forceful companion

Retrieved from google images

You earthly passe with no form,
With a diabolical control over me,
You raise above the mundane norm,
And support like a root to a tree.

Fair is not a word I associate with you,
Neither do you connect with the people around,
Nor can you take my cue,
And after all you dont make me proud.

Not even death can extricate me
from your insatiable wantings
For somehow, you’ve embedded yourself
even in my own dark death wish

My majestic ego, neither can I embrace nor let you go,
You protect me and propel me to successes,
Pick me up when I am down, But only I know,
That there is no Victory at all against the fascist self.

Bidding addieu to the Gentleman cricketer - Rahul Dravid

For the past 15 years, if there had been a sporting icon, whose career grew along with me, and I had the pleasure to experience his ups and downs, it has to be Rahul Dravid. When he burst into the scene, people hardly noticed him. "Over shadowed by others" was the norm of his career until the England series in 2011. I remember my granny calling him a Dhravam (literally meaning acid), because he just used to stick to the crease scoring at a snail's pace. But if there is a competition for the biggest Jammy fans around, I am sure I would be somewhere near the very top!! I enjoy every aspect of his game. I have been disappointed by him a few times, but then he is also a human being. I read really a lot of wonderful tributes when he retired. Though coming at later than most, I just want to express my gratitude to my sports hero for making association with cricket really enjoyable.

The earliest memories for me is the indian tour of west indies in 97!! So many scores in 80s and 90s against last of good bowling units WI had. In his second year he almost became a mainstay of indian test team. And then came the worst phase of his career. A trination involving india zim and kenya! and mind you India lost the tournament. India collectively played poorly and for the first time dravid was dropped from the team. But when recalled, he had an amazing tour of new zealand and as they often say, "The rest is history". I can write 2 more pages fully filled with facts about records dravid holds. A fellow blogger of mine has articulated it wonderfully well. You can read it here . All I can say is that, if I am batting I would only want dravid at the other end. I am sure I will break many records!! :D

So why do I rather respect him so much?  I Learnt the following things from him,

1. Importance of being patient, from the way he waits for the scoring opportunities.
2. Importance of hardwork. Just from the way he transformed himself from technically efficient blocker to one of the finest all round batsman. Starting as a predominantly leg side player, he has developed in his armory one of the most classic cover drives of the game.
3. How to adapt to change. He has had success in all types of pitches and bowling attacks. He has scored centuries batting at all the 7 positions. Just when was made captain, the spark in his batting was lost a bit. But he was one of the first captains to use batting powerplay efficiently. (England touring india in 2006-07) 
4. Actions are always louder than words. "Just look at his records." 
5. Being diplomatic - I can remember Dravid loosing his cool only twice in his entire career. Against Donald in Jburg in 98 and Micheal Slater at Mumbai in 2001.
6. Playing to your strengths. Dravid never changed his approach to the game. He built his game around his core strength, playing a technically sound game. Even for T 20!! 

There are a few things in which he has disappointed me.

1. Never handled the pressure of leading a team properly. Thats a fact. 
2. Never stood up for ganguly against chapell. Being his deputy he must have stood up for Ganguly. 
3. Long standing cold war between Dravid and Sachin with the later boycotting Dravid's felicitation and Dravid failing to mention Sachin in his speech. It was just sad. Not at all a good precedent.
4. Should have retired after the England series. Or after scoring a century at Bangalore. He failed to leave with a bang. :(.

But any how the positives easily outweigh the negatives. My favorites include,

Fav Innings : Definitely has to be the one against the english in Headingly. On a green top, a magnificent show of defensive batting. Ganguly made a bold decision of selecting 2 spinners on a green top. And won the toss and selected to bat also!! Because he had easily the most inform player in the world cricket then. Any highlights package u will watch on youtube will show his fifty in just a minute. But mind you it took him more than 50 fifty overs to reach the milestone. Easily one of the best innings I have ever seen. My favorite Dravid innings and one where india won because of a complete team effort.

Fav Shot: Has to be the leg glance through mid wicket. Not many players can play it like him. But if there is a shot that will remain in my mind, it will be the six he hit of murali against Sri Lanka in 1999 world cup. Have a look at this shot. Hoisting the best off spinner in the world over covers for a six.

Contemporaries who were his competition: OK no Sachin here. He is different from Dravid at every level. There are 3 players who come to mind. Kallis, Chandrepaul and Damien Martin. These players cannot be compared!!

So thank you Dravid, for making my student life really interesting. It was great following your career and hopefully I will be able to watch a Rajasthan Royals game before you totally retire from all forms of cricket!!  Rahul Sharad Dravid - Hats off to you!!

The Vicious circle

"And the second prize in oration goes to Ramesh of 6th C." Hearing a huge round of applause, he felt elated!! Infact the happiness clouded his vision, and he could hear his heart thump. Like a levitated iron filling he was gliding through and reached the stage to collect his prize. He just grabbed the packaged item from a suited up possibly very important person. He ran back to his classroom neglecting all the ppl who wanted to congratulate him. Dialed his mom's number. He was really eager to talk to her now. "Amma, I got second prize in oration competition." "Congrats kanna. Very good, lets celebrate today evening. Where would you like to go tonight for dinner?" "Lets go to dinner with dad. Call him also!! Meeting him once a month is not enough for me." His main elation behind winning prize was that he could show it to his father. Though they meet once a month, his father is almost never impressed by him. His father is the chairman of the local chapter of toastmasters and will be proud when he hears about his son's prize!! That was the logic behind his outworldy elation for a simple prize. So all that had to be done is hope that his mom arranges the dinner. Then his phone rang. "He has agreed to come for the dinner." "Great mom!! Lets go to the Mauryas."  Then he proceeded to call his dad. "Hello, Appa, I got second prize in oration." "Good ramesh. See appa is a bit busy now. Let me hear more about this during the dinner. Dont trouble mom too much."   This was rather an abrupt end to a long awaited call.

On the other end, he was rather relieved. His son has done it again. Yet again he has another chance to meet her. Though he was relieved when the divorce went through about an year back, the separation did hurt him badly. He still had his ego to content with. He was not ready to accept this and resolve the issues. But still wanted to meet her whenever he could. And the only way he could do that was through his son. He made it a point to meet his son atleast once a month. And thus meet her also. So he called her "Suji! Ramesh had called me. I want to give him some gift. What do you think I can buy for him?" "Come on, you are also his parent. You should know something about him also." "Come on suji!! He lives with you. So I just want to know what he would like now." "He just wants your presence. So dont disappoint him." And the line went dead. Another much awaited call resulting in a disappointment.

On the other end, there was another person who was rather relieved. She had done what she could to please her son. She loves him very much and readily talked with the one person whom she would avoid under all other circumstances. She even initiated  the talk. But still her son hardly notices this. He takes it for granted. He craves for the acceptance of his father and grossly neglects the one person who is ready to sacrifice anything for him. How could she make him realize this. "Hello kanna, should I pick you up from school. I thought before going for dinner with dad we will go to your favorite ice cream parlor." "No need amma. I will come with my friends as usual." "Ok. Just be careful." "When did you make the reservation?" "Its at 7 30 in Mauryas as you wanted." "Great amma. Just dont fight with him again today. I want a peaceful dinner with dad." And the line went dead again. Another call ending in disappointment.

If  only someone had the will to break the Vicious circle.

Tanquillity Blankness and And a two year anniversary

Its been long since I wrote a post about random things!! This is because its never easy to be truthful to your thoughts, and its even more difficult to pen down truths. After a tough three months, I am now back to the familiar surroundings!! And I have been dodging all familiar "what are u going to do after graduation" question! Dodging it here too, i will move on to a thing that I know the answer for sure. How long have I been blogging??  Its been 2 years since I started doing serious blogging. 2 long years of knowing myself and enjoying the beauty of sharing with others, my creative thoughts.

Though my blog title says "I just write for myself", every time I come to my blog, I do hope for a new comment. I have got only 3 comments from ppl unknown till now. Only 3!! Possibly I should start writing some controversial thing!! Naa, not worth it. Initially I used to advertise every new post in multiple sources, but now have cut down on that too. I will not be advertise this post too. But from the next post will be back to posting on several networking sites.  It’s not a crime to expect abundant adulation for what one believes is true talent. Lolz!! 


I wanted to write something straight from the heart!! But bed is calling and sleep is finally knocking my door!! So thank you readers, followers and ppl who commented on this blog!! Good bye for now!! 

To be or not to be!!

Along the banks of the river Rhine,
I walk along searching for words that rhyme,
To mask the thoughts about the past,
And forget the deed i detest the most,

Connecting to you is out of my reach,
So i talk to my soul but cant preach,
“Get past the error and move on with a smile,
It was petty but not vile, To invoke such a strong rile,"

The hope of seeing the light in my paths ahead,
And reflecting off  the confused soul inside,
Wanting but not waiting for a milestone,
Or a noble comrade to guide,

But now the broken pride gleaming bright,
Clouding the trust I broke,
Taking solace that I at least again tried,
To mend, swallowing my pride,

Marauding on carrying a latent pain with glee,
I am soft, but not weak to again plea,
The optimist in me will always hope,
Possibly in vain that "that angel" in you will be invoked,

True to the words of L.Cohen,
"Like a bird on a wire,
Like a drunk in a midnight choir,
I have tried in my way to be free"

Over coming Depression /Mood swings

Recently I read somewhere that 1 out every 10 persons have clinical depression at some point of their life. Here u can find a few signs. But these are sort of extreme. Is it not? Most of us have lows and at some point feel empty and useless, though not clinically depressed!! Listed below are a few instantaneous remedies that have been beneficial for me. Please do remember its a personal opinion and I am no shrink!!  

Physical health vs mental health:
Physical fitness is an important aspect of our well being. It also has immense power to cheer us up!! A brisk walk, a long run, a nice cycle ride  etc!! Endurance sports other than making us physically fit, do impact our self confidence in a positive way. Personally I have 2 suggestions:

1. Running!! A simple way to relax yourself!! But we do need a motivation to run and sometimes its boring. But if u begin to enjoy running, its a wonderful self relaxing tool and u can never suffer from insomnia. Here is a useful link for wannable runners. U can follow the schedule even if u dont wanna run a half marathon!!
2. 100 pushups A friend of mine suggested this website to me!! Its an interesting scheduling and if we can do 100 push ups in 6 weeks we can do almost everything :D!!

So when your mood swings are gone, u would be in an awesome physical shape also!! Sorry Gautham Menon for laughing at you after watching Vaaranam Aayiram!! (The protagonist overcomes depression by getting a 6 pack which was ludicrous for me then!!)

Work Work Work!!

"Idle mind is a devil's workshop". So when you are feel low, keep yourself as much busy as possible!! If possible work 18 hrs a day!! So working means not just your professional life, but doing anything and everything!! Other than sleeping you must have almost no time to contemplate!! Working could be learning new things, doing some chores that you have been postponing or anything!! It could need no intellectual demand or it could drain your brain!! The latter is better. Learn new things, explore new stuffs. If you see its a superset of the previous point!! But it is very difficult as we are hardly at our productive best when not cheerful!! But who cares about productivity when one is feeling low :P!!

Target Small successes!!

Its mostly the time when we wont have much personal successes that u are feeling low. So a nice way to cheer ourselves would be to   break our day today activities into small competitions or trials!! Like if you are daily catching ur train at a particular time, leave your house 5 min late and try to catch the train on time! Dont ask me what will happen if I miss the train??? I have no answer!! But If you can catch the train, you have actually won something!! Savor that!! Build on such small things!! Making a schedule and sticking to it, winning a freecell game, completing an easy task quicker than usual  are some other examples!! Build on these small successes!! Again if you carefully analyse, its a superset of points mentioned above and is possibly the most difficult of the three points till now!!

Mother Nature!!
It is good to appreciate the things around us. Mother nature has so many things  serene and eclectic, that have the power to cheer us up.  This is the only thing that requires absolutely no effort from us. The beaches, cheerful chirpy birds, a calm sunrise or a sunset, a bunch of kids playing and many more.   

Have a creative outlet!!

Thats where hobbies are so wonderful. Do something so you can play the role of a creator!! And importantly appreciate it yourself than expecting others to do so. So blogging, writing, singing, dancing, photography, cooking and even playing sports!! Dennis Bergkamp for me is as creative as Pablo Picasso. Also try to pen your thoughts in a dairy or MS Word file. It has a two way benefit. You can understand better why u are/were depressed and have a hearty laugh when you go through those stuffs again at a later time.

Share if possible!!

Its always easy to share one's success. But we rarely share our fears and insecurities. Its always good to have a few ppl with whom you can do this and who are ready to accept you for what you are, rather than for what  you have done. But please make sure you select the right people!! Because this is a double edged sword and can have serious detrimental effect also.  And not always people will have time for you!!

 Seinfeld, panchatantiram and catch 22

If an episode of seinfeld cant cheer you up, better take up professional help. For tamil movie fans, watch panchatatantiram - the kamal classic especially the half an hour before the intermission. For people who love reading, Catch-22 is the book to go to!! All these are so relaxing in the short term, but its better to avoid an obsession!! Like watching 20 episodes together :D!! 

So I have penned down 7 points that personally has helped me. Listening to music, praying and meditation also have been suggested!! Overcoming a low point does not mean becoming successful instantaneously(though this is the ultimate goal), but losing the fear of failure. And a few concluding points, begin to enjoy spending time with yourself. If you cant spend time with yourself, no one else will :P and you cant expect others to also. And do forgive yourself and dont ruminate in the past!! We all make mistakes but shd learn from them and move on. Make mistakes but never repeat them an interesting article by harsha bogle.. If someone says "I have never made mistakes in my life" the person must have died 10 minutes after his/her birth :D!!

Any success after you have  buried your lows tastes a lot better(A feeling eternally cheerful cannot have :P). One can savor it like a Mysore pak attired with ghee melting in your mouth!! Even if one cant control his/her emotions, the actions can always be controlled. I do think that the mental well being does not get as much recognition as it deserves. Life is too short to have regrets and like krishna said, "Live life king size". If you think there are other methods that could help ppl, share for sure.  And dont hesitate to get professional help if you think its necessary!! 

Inception

"When I opened my eyes, I had no idea where I was. The red lighting, the slippery ground and the entire environ  had a eerie  feeling to it. How did I get inside and where was I? And why am I not "there"  I absolutely had no strength. All I saw was huge strands of slimy red pipes. Like a new born baby I was confused. The voice in my mind was echoing that I had to reach my destination and wake my master off his slumber. The time left is so little. Slowly I gathered all my buffer strength, I stood up and looked around. I started running like it was the end of the world.  I was in a maze. Neither in the middle nor at the end. I need to communicate and do it fast.

As I moved along the labyrinth, i sensed the presence of others. Others who were just like me. Not all of us can reach the master. I have to be the one. For my masters sake. I saw an open door and started running. Two of us were running towards it. The cynic I was, i tripped "the other" off the path and entered the door. Its the survival of the fittest and there is no time reminiscing whats happening around you. For all the effort this could be the wrong door.  Still  my path to my destination is not clear.This could after all not be the right path. And yet I could be right there and not know that for a fact.Now and then I poked around the wall to find something or trigger something. To make my presence felt I was hitting the side walks again and again. I know my master is looking for me. I am the answer to his quest. But this maze is starting to piss me off.

Suddenly the light went off and everything turned pitch dark. A big jerk pushed me off my feet. I exactly know what my master is trying to do. He would be in pain. Its his SOS call. Come on do something!! Something fast!! Its almost the end And back came the light. Probability of finding the destination is only 0.2. I hate the mathematicians. Why did he not take the damn pills or do some yoga??? But I am not gonna give up. Just then I got a thought. I broke of the electric connections around the corner. It was a high voltage connection. And I rammed it into the slimy red wall. It sent a shock wave around. I know i am almost there. Its now or never with all my might for one last time and I rammed it in. BOOM."

Its  the bloody Van der waals force. He hit his head hard again with the pencil for not remembering it earlier. And he wrote it down in his answer sheet. 

Fight against the solitude

Behold the solitary soldier,
All alone running merrier,
From a beast whose diabolical strength,
Has driven the best to the very depth,
Of hell unknown to the mundane,
Taking the fearless warrior to the nadir,
Of confidence and plant the seeds,
Of self doubt and despair,

Just as the negativity around,
began to engulf me into a state profound,
Doubting the very roots,
Which once housed a cherubic personality,
Confused at the pace of the environ,
Muddled at the loss of the control,
And was ready to surrender,
like a petty man with a broken spine,

The fearless warrior turned around,
Piercing the beasts' eyes with his vision,
"Is that all you have got???"
His words made the despicable one,
Boil with a rage unknown,
And this rage fuelling the warrior's might,
Making my presence as important as a troll nearby,

A sharp pain at the depth of my heart,
The pain of rendering myself useless,
The pain of being a nobody,
sparked a will buried unknown to me,
And the impulse drew a stone,
Which traveled like a bullet hurting the beast,
And i laughed at the ungainly beast,
"Catch me if you can"
And so I am entering the race,
Hoping to give the beast the fight it deserves.

The Rendezvous

I could sense the chill in my spine. I did not expect this. I checked the RSVP list. Twice. Her name was not there. But there she was right in front of me. My first crush / infatuation /fling or whatever one can call. Standing in full, 20 m away. Sipping a cup of tea and chatting with a few others. Her posture was majestic and she had an aura around her. All those around her were looking so petty. "Mrs.Ramesh" read her name tag. No wonder she did not call me to her wedding. We had a messy break up long back. The nervousness was not because of any latent feeling i harbour but the dread of an awkward rendezvous. 

Keeping my face stoic i remained as far away from her as I could and did not want to give my eclectic band of maverick buddies a chance to poke fun at me. But still her presence stirred up more than a few memories from the past. Her presence made me forget that I had brought my wife here for a couple of minutes. The tenth year reunion of my Alma matter is not exactly the best place for her to socialise. Still she was doing way better than I expected. She knew everyone from the gang and they were busy explaining her, what a wonderful haven this place was. She was one more reason I did keep my distance from Mrs.Ramesh. Thankfully it looked like she was enjoying her time. This is our first trip together after our marriage. "Guys lets go to the cafeteria. It’s been a long time and I have been telling too many delicious stories about it to Namratha. I am sure she would love the snacks there. " I smiled at my wife. We are getting to know about each other better every passing day. The entire gang was ready and the cafeteria used to be our favourite hangout spot during the college days.

Two rounds of bajis and a glass of fresh juice quenched our appetite for food and nostalgia.  “Hey karthik!! How have you been doing!!? Its been a long time”.  It was Mrs.Ramesh. Bloody hell,  Why this kolaveri di!!  “Hey anitha!! Yup its been more than a decade now. How are you??” “I am a wife, mother and a corporate gal. You are still at ABC corp?” “Yup, the same place. Sort of used to the comforts there. “  And then she started to greet the rest of the people. “ Heard you got married.  Wont you introduce me to your wife? “ She asked this with a naughty smile. The very same awkward moment that I wanted to avoid is now thrust upon me. I smiled at her and called Namratha. I could hear a few giggles amongst my friends. I somehow avoided and rather forgot to mention anitha to her till now. “This is Namratha. We got married last month. And she is working in XYZ corp. “ Before i could introduce Anitha, she said “I am Anitha!! I was his classmate in college. Hope he mentioned me to you about me. We were quite an item during our college days.” My heart skipped a beat. I did not expect this. Why the hell one bring up a forgotten chapter now?  “Of course he had told me about you. It’s nice finally to meet you”. There was a complete silence and I could hear nothing. The same words kept ringing in my head again and again!! Rest of the conversation did not register in my head at all. I am just glad that I had this rendezvous with my companion for life.