Wednesday, December 28, 2011

The mirror


Be glad there's a place in the world, 
That resonates the name in the cold, 
The overwhelmed reverence of the arrival,
Just reading the name from the list for survival,
Waiting for a sound to sate the monster,
Its just a placebo and a gesture,
For i want a space which i have never felt,
A possibility suffices to make  my heart melt,
or that maybe you swept my feet off the ground,
or may be i am clouded with the fear of not being around,
the warmth of thoughts about you,
lingering long after you are gone,
I wish i had known you better when we met,
I wish you learnt better about me when we met,
but ill get it off my mind, ill try the best i can,
ill remind myself you arent mine,
Even if it aint, I Want to last it a bit longer,
opening my eyes, it wont be hard,
opening my mind, not sure, but i will still be on guard!!!

Sunday, December 11, 2011

The human in a man : A short story

Dear readers,
This is my 50th post. Thank you for your support!! 
Sriram


The bus ride along the country side is always a pleasure. The green pastures, laboured urgency of the people and a silence that defies the logic for a city dweller. The beauty of the country side can never be overstated. But I am sure I cannot survive more than a couple of days in this environ. Circumstances forced me to take a non Air Conditioned bus after a long time. It has been nothing but pleasurable. Luckily I got a window seat and I was in no rush to reach my destination. The bus was almost full, but not overcrowded. Sitting next to me was a father and his very young son. They were talking in a cherubic tone about buying something. The light banter was keeping the milieu cheerful.

The railway crossing just closed. This particular one was next to a eucalyptus groove. The aroma was mesmerising. There was one other truck in front of our bus. It could well be a 10 minute halt as the train was no where in sight. Couple of people used this opportunity to stretch their limbs getting down. Slowly one could see more vehicles piling up on either side of the crossing. I just closed my eyes to enjoy the moment of solitude.

Suddenly there was a commotion which forced me out of my minute long nap with a startle. The entire crowd was shouting pointing at something. I started to hear the sound of the train approaching in the background. For a moment I started to wonder if there was celebrity travelling in the train! But it was a shout of concern, desperation and horror. As I gazed in that direction I was taken aback. On the railway track, holding her stick with her trembling hand was a old lady walking slowly unaware of the gargantuan train coming behind her. She was happy chewing her beetle leaves with pan and walking slowly. All our shouts had no effect on her. Even i joined the  crowd shouting vehemently " get off the track" many times. For the next 30 seconds we kept on shouting with no success. And the train was fast approaching behind her. Not knowing what to do we all started shouting even more. But even a glaring horn from train did not bother her.

Thankfully a courageous guy went upto the track and pulled her off it just in time. It was a sigh of relief all around. A large group gathered around the lady. For almost a couple of minutes I was not sure what just happened. I was looking around thankfully. I just smiled at the father and son sitting next to me. "That lady must be easily 80+. Why the hell was she walking in a track unattended!" i told the father. "Thank god she is fine now." "Good that someone pulled her off the track" "There were almost three bus full of people and still no one went to her aid earlier". The young boy who was listening to all this asked us a question "Appa!! why did you not get down to help the old woman?? ". The answer for which I dont know still. 

Tuesday, November 8, 2011

The Quandary - A Short story


The alarm clock did its job finally. Against my will and bodily intuition I woke up and started walking like a zombie. It was already quarter to eight and I will have to rush to catch my bus at 8:07. This life sure is challenging. Having drenched myself in deodorant, I ran off to catch my bus. 18 months back I did think that I was the luckiest person on earth. A decent job during the recession was like a shady tree on a hot summer noon. But once I entered the corporate world, after the initial honeymoon period, I realised that I should switch jobs as soon as I can. It was not only me but also my desk pal at the office Rahul. 

Managing through the morning rush I found myself a comfortable spot to stand in the bus. Finally there was 35 precious minutes to contemplate and reflect on the tricky but simple quandary that bugged me for more than a couple of days. Last weekend, I found an excellent job opening in the one the biggest IT solutions company. It was a tailor made opportunity for me to further my career. The biggest question was - Should I inform Rahul about this opening also?? 

A couple of school kids just got down, giving more space to stand properly. We both have exactly the same profile. I met him for the first time during our training. And we have shared a cabin for the past 8 months. I am not sure what kind of a relationship we have. Some how my social circle has been pretty messed up since I left college. Cut-throat competition is something I have got used to. We both have been looking for opportunities to move places. As colleague we share immense mutual respect. But still there is something that is preventing me from sharing this useful piece of info with him. In a world of survival of the fittest one less competition is always better. So by the time my stop approached, I made up my mind to keep the opening to myself.

So as the day progressed I completed the necessary letters. My profile was pretty much in sync with the requirements of the position and I was very confident. At the last moment I saved the mail in drafts rather than sending it to the HR.  I was feeling very uncomfortable. This is the guy whom I will see at least 10 times a day. And afterall he is also desperately searching for a new job.

Torn apart by my own thoughts, I looked at him sliding sideways. “Rahul !! Lets go to the canteen and have lunch”. We sporadically ate together. But today was different. “No problem. Just give me a moment”, Rahul retorted.  Keeping my face stoic I walked with him to the canteen. Finally gathering all the courage and  overcoming my own fear I told him, “Rahul I saw a job opening in ABC corp. for a project analyst. I think we should apply. We fit the profile perfectly.” “Do you mean the one in Bangalore? – I have already applied for the job. Lets see what happens!!”

Friday, October 21, 2011

Solitude

I entered a leeway all alone,
A lonely streak of thought worth savouring,
A smile that was worth waiting,
But alas!
Losing the sight of a shooting star,
Into the Zions unknown afar,
A price that missed my grasp,
For no fault of mine,
I wish i had known better during the Rendezvous,
Laying on a bed of trial,
Each layer reminiscing my frail,
The portent resonating in my heart,
That all is not lost,
The ambers of the past,
pushing me to further my quest,
Leaving behind a labyrinthine of guile,
Looking at the vast meaningfulness with a sardonic smile,
And the hope that I wont be leaving all alone!!

Monday, September 19, 2011

The pianist - A review

For a long time I was under impression that cinema is a medium that makes us happy and that just entertains. This was untill I watched a movie called Varumain Neeram Sivappu . After watching that master piece, My outlook towards cinema has transformed. An art form where a creator has the license to present a motley of emotions to novice viewers to experience his inner most fears and absolute bliss, cinema is a powerful tool indeed. Unlike books this has a profound impact in a very short time. Reading a novel gives you a completely different experience than watching a scene unfold on the screen. When used intelligently cinema can disturb you, lingering long after you have finished viewing. Such a wonderful tale that is powerful enough move even a solid rock is a masterpiece called "The pianist". The protagonist in the movie, one incredible Mr.Władysław Szpilman is neither a man of celestial brawn nor cognitive ability. He is an average human being living an average life who was forced to through an extraordinary ordeal for no fault of his.

Before watching it for the first time I was under the impression that is going a movie about an altruistic surperhuman who made a telling contribution in saving several lives or something melodramatic about the supreme sacrifices during the the Warsaw uprising against the Germans like many of the movies about holocaust. But how wrong I was. I went through a journey that can be hardly put into words. The pianist is a man whom we can relate to. We share his insecurities, fear, patriotism, and almost every other feeling.

Directed by Roman Polanski, it describes the life of a Jewish pianist from 1939 to 1945. As viewer you coast along with him who has been reduced to fight for his most basic of the needs - the right to be alive. Germany gains control over Poland in 1939. The Germans start the ethnic cleansing against the jews gradually. The pace at which the dread of the situation creeps into the people is brilliant. Hopeful of seeing light at the end Szpilman and his family try to remain calm most of the time. The Germans slowly instill dread into the polish and Warsaw is made a living hell for the Jews around. The pace at which their life deteriorates is insane to say the least. Arguably from 15 to 50 min in the movie is the most depressing I have ever seen. Its definitely not for the faint hearted. You as a viewer actually live with the protagonist for those 35 minutes and see your family drift out of the face of the earth for ever. Getting back to the story, Szpilman luckily evades the extermination camp, ends up in a german construction site. He volunteers in an uprising against the Germans and he helps in smuggling arms. Almost getting caught at one point, he escapes during the uprising. Long story short, the rest is the tale of his survival.

Adrien Brody as the pianist who is motivated by the most primal of the need - to sustain and survive, gives an incredibly moving performance. He got a deserved oscar for this portrayal. Brody captures the character's desperation, his anger and grief, his willpower and perseverance, his passion and love of music. In latter part of the movie you can really understand why human beings are called "Social animals". The director gives us the chance to know his shock and disbelief, his ordeal and tragedy, his hope to be alive at the end. The actors who play his family are apt and realistic. The haunting background score and the brilliant use of silence as a means to convey expressions, escalates the film viewing and makes the audience become part of the struggle. I was watching this movie alone and suddenly I wanted to be around my friends and family. I was very thankful that I live in a free society. India got independence on 15th August 1947. I have not been more grateful for that.

Special mention should go to the Director of the movie Roman Polanski. The fact that he was a survivor of the holocaust makes it more personal for him. And he does a brilliant job. At no point the movie is melodramatic or instils patriotism. In no place he takes a stand. He just depects the facts and accurate facts. He brings in a compelling aura into the narration. And deservedly both Polanski and Brody won Oscar for this work. Towards the end the Russian soldiers almost kill szpilman because he was wearing a German overcoat. Where quizzed being polish why he was wearing that, he just replies "I am cold". Simply Brilliant. For 150 minutes I was spellbound and finished off with a heavy heart. Arguably one of the best movies ever made. Try it out for sure If have not watched it already.

Monday, September 5, 2011

The award

I published it long back!! But on the occasion of teachers day it felt right to publish it again!!

A car strolled majestically and stopped near the corner. A handsome young man got down and approached me. He politely asked me,”Good Morning Sir! Do you remember me?” I was taken aback. When most of my former students come to visit me, they would either be in high school or college, but never a young man at his prime. I couldn’t recognize him as I have taught umpteen number of students over the past 30 years. “Sorry son, pardon me. I don’t remember you.” “Sir, I am Maasilamani. You were my class teacher in class 8.. You were my social science teacher then. I am the fellow who hoisted the flag from the garbage. “ And like a flash I could remember that incident which highlighted the how slack we have been in performing our duties.

It was in the spring of 93. A boy was going to school. I could recognize him as one of my students who was not that bright and was an introvert. Out of nowhere he went to the garbage heap that was lying along the road side and it seemed to me that he was trying to find something. He took out a dirty bit of cloth form there and was dusting it. It took me more than an instant to understand that he had taken a disposed national flag from the rags. He took it to the flag post round the corner which hosted a political party flag. He removed the flag and hoisted the national flag with a pride that only a true patriot can feel.

“Oh yes, I do remember you. How are you ad what are you doing now? “ He responded “ I own a small IT outsourcing company.” I was bit surprised as I did not except a leader out of him. He continued, ” If you could remember I was not a charismatic student. I was very low on self confidence and it was only because of you that I have become a success in my life. “ I was elated, but had no clue how I had changed exponentially improved the esteem of a person without my knowledge.

Seeing my confusion, the boy continued.” When I had hoisted the flag, that very day in the class you had in front of all the students said about what I had done and add to that asked the entire class to give a standing ovation. For the first time in my life a teacher had addressed me in the class and I was the center of things happening in the class. That incident had a life changing effect in me. My self belief grew and I began to feel confident about myself. And that was the focal point of success in my life. As a token of gratitude I had bought this Parker pen for you. “

Saying so he extended the pen for me to accept.I was spellbound. I had accomplished what every teacher dreams to achieve. There can be no greater award for me. I wished him good luck and continued on. I felt as if I was floating through my path. With the pen in my pocket glowing with pride I entered the class full of buds awaiting fresh sun rays.

SRIRAM

Friday, August 12, 2011

Freedom



Like the Sunlight babbling through cracks,
Thoughts emanating from occasional attacks,
Of creativity in the archaic brain,
To start afresh flushing the defeats down the drain,
The sun is bright and the flowers are singing
And the birds are saying you are free,
Free to know and grow,
Free to be part of a dream,
An incipient dream with no fears,
Hand reaching out to hand,
To become a part of "we" to build the Zion,
Hailed for what I am,
And respected for being what I want to be,
The ultimate irrelevance of,
The first among the equals,
Is the exact thing those immortals fought for,
And exactly what I will have.

Thursday, July 21, 2011

The anti-revolutionary!!!


Day after day I walk out with a thought,
A thought that what if today would be the day,
That I will walk free in an envisioned Utopia,
Not terrorised by this namesake radical,
With a face that only his mother can adore,
Fortified with thoughts that every ‘I’ will abhor,
A Coward disguised as a martyr,
Who destroys and will slaughter ,
Misguided soul propelled by delusion
That life is but an illusion,
What if the next step I take would be my last,
Fear of having to be identified by a friend or kin,
Fear crawls into the room with envy and worry
Together they over come me, suffocate me, smother me
Knowledge of a celestial Guillotine ready to pounce,
When an egotistical maniac decides so,
This inspite of the knowledge,
That my frightened thought is his trophy,
While a group cheers my bravery,
Standing behind an impervious armour,
I am the gorge between 2 valleys,
Of contemplators and executioners,
Sealing my price-less fate,
While all I want is a breath of free air,
And a mundane life without fear!!!

Wednesday, June 29, 2011

Contemplation



Sitting next to a black hole of meaningfulness,
with the sunflower waiting for the laboured sun,
Out of its hiding from the midnight fun,

The opaque screen diminishing the brightness,
Gloom of the darkness never messing with the cheerfulness,
A threat of deluge from heavens above,

Still the effort without chagrin,
To sway in the direction of the miraged attraction,
No Knowledge of the extinguished flames of fire,

And the chance to reach the pinnacle flushed,
But not the hope to bloom,
Gently smiling at this contemplating beholder,

Quizzing on how things have panned out!
The gleeful words My life is no shit,
Ringing all over with his hands holding a banana split!!!!

Monday, June 13, 2011

Tamil Cinema - underrated movies that I will watch again and again




I am Tamil movie buff. I started watching tamil movies from the age of 5. Over the years I have graduated myself to watching national and international movies. But still as a person who started his with tamil cinema, kollywood is very close to my heart. I am at present bit disappointed that last few years the quality has gone down. Nevertheless this is a pyre that can never ebb and will hopefully get better and new directors will try out different genres beyond commercial masalas and mindless romcoms. Now I will list out a few movies that I have enjoyed a lot, but have not got much recognition in terms of commercial success. I am not sure about the critical success as I never used to read Friday reviews till my 10th/11th grade.


Vaaname Ellai


The last of the master pieces directed by the greatest creator tamil cinema has ever seen, KB-the phenomenon. Unfortunately by the time I became mature enough to enjoy and appreciate the legend, he was past his best. But this was a movie of very high quality that has been hardly matched. Its the story of a group of 5 youngsters frustrated, decide to commit suicide in 100 days. They decide to spend the last 100 days to the fullest. The beauty of movie was that of the 5 youngsters - 3 men and 2 women. It was kind of a first time in tamil cinema. More than that the entire movie is a masterclass. Even if released today it will not be out of place/space. KB has always been a "dheergadarsi". And this movie subtly passes on the message of hope. I would watch it over again and again and definitely one of the path breaking movies of Tamil Cinema. Sadly this movie was overshadowed by a couple of other movies released around the same time. "Anamalai and Roja". And oddly all the three movies were produced by KB.


Kuruthi punal
Initially I wanted to write a separate post for underrated kamal movies. But i couldnt resist myself from including a few. This was the first of pure action cop movies. The rappo between kamal and Action king arjun was simply awesome. The plot was so compelling and it never had a dull moment. But its fate was decided by another blockbuster "Muthu" which released at the same time. Rajnikanth scoring over Kamal has been the trend in the recent years. Nasser deserves a special mention as well. As a disgusting villain he surely tests ur nerves. A very nice movie for any weekend.


Kaikodukum kai
Yes its a Rajni kanth movie. And yes this is the only Rajni movie that can make to this list. Thalaivar was at his handsome best in this one. Accompanying him portraying the role of a blind Damsel in distress was my all time favorite actress Revathi. Raja sir music was scintillating. Thanzhampoo is the most popular of the songs. This was the last flop for Superstar before BABA. It had a controversial ending and audience did not accept it.


Uruvam
Most of the horror movies in Tamil are hilarious. But this one is an exception. I was seriously surprised to see an IMDB page for this movie and fans appreciating it. Its a Mohan film and worth watching if you are a fan this genre.


Ponnyin Selvan
A Radha Mohan film. It stars Ravi krishna and Gopika. Its a simple feel good movie. It was a big dud at the box office. Radha Mohan's only flop till date. It has some nice songs. Vennila my favourite.

Kannukul Nilavu
I have been a vijay fan for a good 13 years now. This is one of my favourite!! Vijay Shalini Combo simply rocked and Illayraja's music was first class.Vijay as a mentally de-raged youth steals the show. His scenes with Raghuvaran are a treat!! Thalaivasal Vijay as the villian impresses. On the whole a very nice movie. But when ppl talk about vijay's acting skills, they forget that he was part of this Fazil master piece.

Other movies worth mentioning
1) Meera
2) Kalabha Kaadhalan
3) Desiya Geetham
4) Thalolam
5) Guna

There could be many more movies, that I would have missed. Pls do share a list of yours if you have one!!

Sunday, May 22, 2011

The rival



Standing proud gawking at me,
The pride vibrant in your face, the radiance from distances afar,
People throng around you but have spared me,
I know deep down inside,
there is a pain that makes you who you are,
I act inward, you, outward,
your contemptuous interior masked by an unpretentious earnestness,
The reality Visible only to me,
and yet our differences not so very far,
No jealousy, no hatred plaguing my heart,
Knowledge of your banal and mundane mind incepting a smile,
One ray of priceless hope I see,
I know you the fullest,
And another priceless hope I feel,
You know me the fullest,
After all I am the meanest rival I can ever have.

Thursday, May 5, 2011

The chameleon's song

The milieu he was in awe inspiring?
The attire he was draped in,the attitude,
And a smile that is meaningless,
To please the beholder so different,
To have no thoughts of his own,
But borrowed from his peers' hue,
He saunters wildly up and down,
Till some acquaintance good or bad,
Takes notice of this staring lad,
with a backbone of a Paramecium,
whos reaction to a news,
will be smeared by the cues of all around,
Killing off even an iota of freshness from his mind,
Breeding in the warmth of tried and tested,
Being unique only in killing individuality,
But he is not omnipotent full of miracles,
just a soul trying to make it better out there,
After all its the chameleon thats more equipped,
To fight and survive the battle of the fittest,
Than a good old human being armoured with thoughts of his own!!!

Saturday, April 16, 2011

The road


Walking briskly savoring the natural charm,
Seeking to reach the place of my dreams,
Two roads stood in front of me,
one lonely traveler long I stood at the crossroad,
I sought for the milestone to guide me through,
Staring at it helped me no good,
Both the roads lead to Edens with varying magnitude of bliss,
No monsters, no angels on either of the solitary paths ,
the asinine decision of choosing one over the other,
is not as simple as reading from a vestige,
The emperor has no say in it,
Neither do his obedient subjects,
Additionally the beauty of the present is making me lazy,
Neither does it motivate nor ridicule,
The obscurity of means becoming the end looming large,
The thought of the ulterior clouding the present,
After all its just a choice,
The either of the choices never impediments your bliss,
Its the choosing process the actual purgatory of the damned!!!!!!!!

Friday, March 25, 2011

Why I am An Atheist? - By Bhagat Singh


Bhagat Singh requires no introduction. He was an intellectual/freedom fighter par excellence. On the 80th anniversary of his death, I am sharing with you guys an essay he had written. Though i am not an atheist, I found it very intellectually stimulating read.

"A new question has cropped up. Is it due to vanity that I do not believe in the existence of an omnipotent, omnipresent and omniscient God? I had never imagined that I would ever have to confront such a question. But conversation with some friends has given me, a hint that certain of my friends, if I am not claiming too much in thinking them to be so-are inclined to conclude from the brief contact they have had with me, that it was too much on my part to deny the existence of God and that there was a certain amount of vanity that actuated my disbelief. Well, the problem is a serious one. I do not boast to be quite above these human traits. I am a man and nothing more. None can claim to be more. I also have this weakness in me. Vanity does form a part of my nature. Amongst my comrades I was called an autocrat. Even my friend Mr. B.K. Dutt sometimes called me so. On certain occasions I was decried as a despot. Some friends do complain and very seriously too that I involuntarily thrust my opinions upon others and get my proposals accepted. That this is true up to a certain extent, I do not deny. This may amount to egotism. There is vanity in me in as much as our cult as opposed to other popular creeds is concerned. But that is not personal. It may be, it is only legitimate pride in our cult and does not amount to vanity. Vanity or to be more precise "Ahankar" is the excess of undue pride in one's self. Whether it is such an undue pride that has led me to atheism or whether it is after very careful study of the subject and after much consideration that I have come to disbelieve in God, is a question that I, intend to discuss here. Let me first make it clear that egotism and vanity are two different things.

In the first place, I have altogether failed to comprehend as to how undue pride or vain-gloriousness could ever stand in the way of a man in believing in God. I can refuse to recognize the greatness of a really great man provided I have also achieved a certain amount of popularity without deserving it or without having possessed the qualities really essential or indispensable for the same purpose. That much is conceivable. But in what way can a man believing in God cease believing due to his personal vanity? There are only two Ways. The man should either begin to think himself a rival of God or he may begin to believe himself to be God. In neither case can he become a genuine atheist. In the first case he does not even deny the existence of his rival. In the second case as well he admits the existence of a conscious being behind the screen guiding all the movements of nature. It is of no importance to us whether he thinks himself to be that supreme being or whether he thinks the supreme conscious being to be somebody apart from himself. The fundamental is there. His belief is there. He is by no means an atheist. Well, here I am I neither belong to the first category nor to the second.

I deny the very existence of that Almighty Supreme being. Why I deny it shall be dealt with later on. Here I want to clear one thing, that it is not vanity that has actuated me to adopt the doctrines of atheism. I am neither a rival nor an incarnation nor the Supreme Being Himself. One point is decided, that it is not vanity that has led me to this mode of thinking. Let me examine the facts to disprove this allegation. According to these friends of mine I have grown vain-glorious perhaps due to the undue popularity gained during the trials-both Delhi Bomb and Lahore conspiracy cases. Well, let us see if their premises are correct. My atheism is not of so recent origin. I had stopped believing in God when I was an obscure young man, of whose existence my above mentioned friends were not even aware. At least a college student cannot cherish any short of undue pride which may lead him to atheism. Though a favorite with some professors and disliked by certain others, I was never an industrious or a studious boy. I could not get any chance of indulging in such feelings as vanity. I was rather a boy with a very shy nature, who had certain pessimistic dispositions about the future career. And in those days, I was not a perfect atheist. My grand-father under whose influence I was brought up is an orthodox Arya Samajist. An Arya Samajist is anything but an atheist. After finishing my primary education I joined the DAV. School of Lahore and stayed in its Boarding House for full one year. There, apart from morning and evening prayers, I used to recite "Gayatri Mantra" for hours and hours. I was a perfect devotee in those days. Later on I began to live with my father. He is a liberal in as much as the orthodoxy of religions is concerned. It was through his teachings that I aspired to devote my life to the cause of freedom. But he is not an atheist. He is a firm believer. He used to encourage me for offering prayers daily. So, this is how I was brought up. In the Non-Co-operation days I joined the National College. it was there that I began to think liberally and discuss and criticize all the religious problems, even about God. But still I was a devout believer. By that time I had begun to preserve the unshorn and unclipped long hair but I could never believe in the mythology and doctrines of Sikhism or, any other religion. But I had a firm faith in God's existence.

Later on I joined the revolutionary party. The first leader with whom I came in contact, though not convinced, could not dare to deny the existence of God. On my persistent inquiries about God, he used to say, "Pray whenever you want to". Now this is atheism less courage required for the adoption of that creed. The second leader with whom I came in contact was a firm believer. Let me mention his name-respected comrade Sachindra Nath Sanyal, now undergoing life transportation in connexion with the Karachi conspiracy case. From the every first page of his famous and only book, "Bandi Jivan" (or Incarcerated Life), the Glory of God is sung vehemently. In the last page of the second part of that beautiful book his mystic-because of Vedantism � praises showered upon God form a very conspicuous part of his thoughts.

"The Revolutionary leaflet" distributed- throughout India on January 28th, 1925, was according to the prosecution story the result of his intellectual labor, Now, as is inevitable in the secret work the prominent leader expresses his own views, which are very dear to his person and the rest of the workers have to acquiesce in them-in spite of differences, which they might have. In that leaflet one full paragraph was devoted to praise the Almighty and His rejoicings and doing. That is all mysticism. What I wanted to point out was that the idea of disbelief had not even germinated in the revolutionary party. The famous Kakori martyrs �all four of them-passed their last day in prayers. Ram Prasad Bismil was an orthodox Arya Samajist. Despite his wide studies in the field of Socialism and Communism, Rajen Lahiri could not suppress his desire, of reciting hymns of the Upanishads and the Gita. I saw only one man amongst them, who never prayed and used to say, "Philosophy is the outcome of human weakness or limitation of knowledge". He is also undergoing a sentence of transportation for life. But he also never dared to deny the existence of God.

UP to that period I was only a romantic idealist revolutionary. Uptil then we were to follow. Now came the time to shoulder the whole responsibility. Due to the inevitable reaction for some time the very existence of the Party seemed impossible. Enthusiastic comrades � nay leaders � began to jeer at us. For some time I was afraid that some day I also might not be convinced of the futility of our own program. That was a turning point in my revolutionary career. "Study" was the cry that reverberated in the corridors of my mind. Study to enable yourself to face the arguments advanced by opposition. Study to arm yourself with arguments in favor of your cult. I began to study. My previous faith and convictions underwent a remarkable modification. The Romance of the violent methods alone which was so prominent amongst our predecessors, was replaced by serious ideas. No more mysticism, no more blind faith. Realism became our cult. Use of force justifiable when resorted to as a matter of terrible necessity: non-violence as policy indispensable for all mass movements. So much about methods.

The most important thing was the clear conception of the ideal for which we were to fight, As there were no important activities in the field of action I got ample opportunity to study various ideals of the world revolution. I studied Bakunin, the Anarchist leader, something of Marx the father of Communism and much of Lenin, Trotsky and others the men who had successfully carried out a revolution in their country. They were all atheists. Bakunin's "God and State", though only fragmentary, is an interesting study of the subject. Later still I came across a book entitled 'Common Sense' by Nirlamba Swami. It was only a sort of mystic atheism. This subject became of utmost interest to me. By the end of 1926 I had been convinced as to the baselessness of the theory of existence of an almighty supreme being who created, guided and controlled the universe. I had given out this disbelief of mine. I began discussion on the subjects with my friends. I had become a pronounced atheist. But, what it meant will presently be discussed.

In May 1927 I was arrested at Lahore. The arrest was a surprise. I was quite unaware of (he fact that the police wanted me. All of a sudden while passing through a garden I found myself surrounded by police. To my own surprise, I was very calm at that time. I did not feel any sensation, neither did I experience any excitement. I was taken into police custody. Next day I was taken to the Railway Police lock-up where I was to pass full one month. After many day's conversation with the Police officials I guessed that they had some information regarding my connexion with the Kakori Party and my other activities in connexion with the revolutionary movement. They told me that I had been to Lucknow while the trial was going on there, that I had negotiated a certain scheme about their rescue, that after obtaining their approval, we had procured some bombs, that by way of test one of the bombs was thrown in the crowd on the occasion of Dussehra 1926. They further informed me, in my interest, that if I could give any statement throwing some light on the activities of the revolutionary party, I was not to be imprisoned but on the contrary set free and rewarded even without being produced as an approver in the Court. I laughed at the proposal. It was all humbug.

People holding ideas like ours do not throw bombs on their own innocent people. One fine morning Mr. Newman, the then Senior Superintendent of CID., came to me. And after much sympathetic talk with me imparted-to him-the extremely sad news that if I did not give any statement as demanded by them, they would be forced to send me up for trial for conspiracy to wage war in connexion with Kakori Case and for brutal murders in connexion with Dussehra Bomb outrage. And he further informed me that they had evidence enough to get me convicted and hanged.

In those days I believed � though I was quite innocent � the police could do it if they desired. That very day certain police officials began to persuade me to offer my prayers to God regularly both the times. Now I was an atheist. I wanted to settle for myself whether it was in the days of peace and enjoyment alone that I could boast of being an atheist or whether during such hard times as well I could stick to those principles of mine. After great consideration I decided that I could not lead myself to believe in and pray to God. No, I never did. That was the real test and I came, out successful. Never for a moment did I desire to save my neck at the cost of certain other things. So I was a staunch disbeliever : and have ever since been. It was not an easy job to stand that test.

'Belief' softens the hardships, even can make them pleasant. In God man can find very strong consolation and support. Without Him, the man has to depend upon himself. To stand upon one's own legs amid storms and hurricanes is not a child's play. At such testing moments, vanity, if any, evaporates, and man cannot dare to defy the general beliefs, if he does, then we must conclude that he has got certain other strength than mere vanity. This is exactly the situation now. Judgment is already too well known. Within a week it is to be pronounced. What is the consolation with the exception of the idea that I am going to sacrifice my life for a cause ? A God-believing Hindu might be expecting to be reborn as a king, a Muslim or a Christian might dream of the luxuries to be- enjoyed in paradise and the reward he is to get for his sufferings and sacrifices. But what am I to expect? I know the moment the rope is fitted round my neck and rafters removed, from under my feet. That will be the final moment, that will be the last moment. I, or to be more precise, my soul, as interpreted in the metaphysical terminology, shall all be finished there. Nothing further.

A short life of struggle with no such magnificent end, shall in itself be the reward if I have the courage to take it in that light. That is all. With no selfish motive, or desire to be awarded here or hereafter, quite disinterestedly have I devoted my life to the cause of independence, because I could not do otherwise. The day we find a great number of men and women with this psychology who cannot devote themselves to anything else than the service of mankind and emancipation of the suffering humanity; that day shall inaugurate the era of liberty.

Not to become a king, nor to gain any other rewards here, or in the next birth or after death in paradise, shall they be inspired to challenge the oppressors, exploiters, and tyrants, but to cast off the yoke of serfdom from the neck of humanity and to establish liberty and peace shall they tread this-to their individual selves perilous and to their noble selves the only glorious imaginable-path. Is the pride in their noble cause to be � misinterpreted as vanity? Who dares to utter such an abominable epithet? To him, I say either he is a fool or a knave. Let us forgive him for he can not realize the depth, the emotion, the sentiment and the noble feelings that surge in that heart. His heart is dead as a mere lump of flesh, his eyes are-weak, the evils of other interests having been cast over them. Self-reliance is always liable to be interpreted as vanity. It is sad and miserable but there is no help.

You go and oppose the prevailing faith, you go and criticize a hero, a great man, who is generally believed to be above criticism because he is thought to be infallible, the strength of your argument shall force the multitude to decry you as vainglorious. This is due to the mental stagnation, Criticism and independent thinking are the two indispensable qualities of a revolutionary. Because Mahatamaji is great, therefore none should criticize him. Because he has risen above, therefore everything he says-may be in the field of Politics or Religion, Economics or Ethics-is right. Whether you are convinced or not you must say, "Yes, that's true". This mentality does not lead towards progress. It is rather too obviously, reactionary.

Because our forefathers had set up a faith in some supreme, being � the Almighty God � therefore any man who dares to challenge the validity of that faith, or the very existence of that supreme being, he shall have to be called an apostate, a renegade. If his arguments are too sound to be refuted by counter-arguments and spirit too strong to be cowed down by the threat of misfortunes that may befall him by the wrath of the Almighty, he shall be decried as vainglorious, his spirit to be denominated as vanity. Then why to waste time in this vain discussion? Why try to argue out the whole thing? This question is coming before the public for the first time, and is being handled in this matter of fact way for the first time, hence this lengthy discussion.

As for the first question, I think I have cleared that it is not vanity that has led me to atheism. My way of argument has proved to be convincing or not, that is to be judged by my readers, not me. I know in the present, circumstances my faith in God would have made my life easier, my burden lighter and my disbelief in Him has turned all the circumstances too dry and the situation may assume too harsh a shape. A little bit of mysticism can make it poetical. But I, do not want the help of any intoxication to meet my fate. I am a realist. I have been trying to overpower the instinct in me by the help of reason. I have not always been successful in achieving this end. But man's duty is to try and endeavor, success depends upon chance and environments.

As for the second question that if it was not vanity, then there ought to be some reason to disbelieve the old and still prevailing faith of the existence of God. Yes; I come to that now Reason there is. According to. me, any man who has got some reasoning power at his command always tries to reason out his environments. Where direct proofs are lacking philosophy occupies the important place. As I have already stated, a certain revolutionary friend used to say that Philosophy is the outcome of human weakness. When our ancestors had leisure enough to try to solve out the mystery of this world, its past, present and the future, its whys and wherefores, they having been terribly short of direct proofs, everybody tried to solve the problem in his own way. Hence we find the wide differences in the fundamentals of various religious creeds, which some times assume very antagonistic and conflicting shapes. Not only the Oriental and Occidental philosophies differ, there are differences even amongst various schools of thoughts in each hemisphere. Amongst Oriental religions, the Moslem faith is not at all compatible with Hindu faith. In India alone Buddhism and Jainism are sometimes quite separate from Brahmanism, in which there are again conflicting faiths as Arya Samaj and Sanatan Dharma. Charwak is still another independent thinker of the past ages. He challenged the authority of God in the old times. All these creeds differ from each other on the fundamental question., and everybody considers himself to be on the right. There lies the misfortune. Instead of using the experiments and expressions of the ancient Savants and thinkers as a basis for our future struggle against ignorance and to try to find out a solution to this mysterious problem, we � lethargical as we have proved to be � raise the hue and cry of faith, unflinching and unwavering faith to their versions and thus are guilty of stagnation in human progress.

Any man who stands for progress has to criticize, disbelieve and challenge every item of the old faith. Item by item he has to reason out every nook and corner of the prevailing faith. If after considerable reasoning one is led to believe in any theory or philosophy, his faith is welcomed. His reasoning can be mistaken, wrong, misled and sometimes fallacious. But he is liable to correction because reason is the guiding star of his life. But mere faith and blind faith is dangerous: it dulls the brain, and makes a man reactionary.

A man who claims to be a realist has to challenge the whole of the ancient faith. If it does not stand the onslaught of reason it crumbles down. Then the first thing for him is to shatter the whole down and clear a space for the erection of a new philosophy. This is the negative side. After it begins the positive work in which sometimes some material of the old faith may be used for the purpose of reconstruction. As far as I am concerned, let me admit at the very outset that I have not been able to study much on this point. I had a great desire to study the Oriental Philosophy but I could not get any chance or opportunity to do the same. But so far as the negative study is under discussion, I think I am convinced to the extent of questioning the soundness of the old faith. I have been convinced as to non-existence of a conscious supreme being who is guiding and directing the movements of nature. We believe in nature and the whole progressive movement aims at the domination of man over nature for his service. There is no conscious power behind it to direct. This is what our philosophy is.

As for the negative side. we ask a few questions from the 'believers'.

If, as you believe, there is an almighty, omnipresent, omniscient and omnipotent God-who created the earth or world, please let me know why did he create it ? This world of woes and miseries, a veritable, eternal combination of numberless tragedies: Not a single soul being perfectly satisfied.

Pray, don't say that it is His Law: If he is bound by any law, he is not omnipotent. He is another slave like ourselves. Please don't say that it is his enjoyment. Nero burnt one Rome. He killed a very limited number of people. He created very few tragedies, all to his perfect enjoyment. And what is his place in History? By what names do the historians mention him? All the venomous epithets are showered upon him. Pages are blackened with invective diatribes condemning Nero, the tyrant, the heartless, the wicked.

One Changezkhan sacrificed a few thousand lives to seek pleasure in it and we hate the very name. Then how are you going to justify your almighty, eternal Nero, who has been, and is still causing numberless tragedies every day, every hour and every minute? How do you think to support his misdoings which surpass those of Changez every single moment? I say why did he create this world � a veritable hell, a place of constant and bitter unrest? Why did the Almighty create man when he had the power not to do it? What is the justification for all this ? Do you say to award the innocent sufferers hereafter and to punish the wrong-doers as well? Well, well: How far shall you justify a man who may dare to inflict wounds upon your body to apply a very soft and soothing liniment upon it afterwards? How far the supporters and organizers of the Gladiator Institution were justified in throwing men before the half starved furious lions to be cared for and well looked after if they could survive and could manage to escape death by the wild beasts? That is why I ask, 'Why did the conscious supreme being created this world and man in it? To seek pleasure? Where then is the difference between him and Nero'?

You Mohammadens and Christians : Hindu Philosophy shall still linger on to offer another argument. I ask you what is your answer to the above-mentioned question? You don't believe in previous birth. Like Hindus you cannot advance the argument of previous misdoings of the apparently quite innocent sufferers? I ask you why did the omnipotent labor for six days to create the world through word and each day to say that all was well. Call him today. Show him the past history. Make him study the present situation. Let us see if he dares to say, "All is well".

From the dungeons of prisons, from the stores of starvation consuming millions upon millions of human beings in slums and huts, from the exploited laborers, patiently or say apathetically watching the procedure of their blood being sucked by the Capitalist vampires, and the wastage of human energy that will make a man with the least common sense shiver with horror, and from the preference of throwing the surplus of production in oceans rather than to distribute amongst the needy producers�to the palaces of kings built upon the foundation laid with human bones.... let him see all this and let him say "All is well".

Why and wherefore? That is my question. You are silent.

All right then, I proceed. Well, you Hindus, you say all the present sufferers belong to the class of sinners of the previous births. Good. You say the present oppressors were saintly people in their previous births, hence they enjoy power. Let me admit that your ancestors were very shrewd people, they tried to find out theories strong enough to hammer down all the efforts of reason and disbelief. But let us analyze how far this argument can really stand.

From the point of view of the most famous jurists punishment can be justified only from three or four ends to meet which it is inflicted upon the wrongdoer. They are retributive, reformative and deterrent. The retributive theory is now being condemned by all the advanced thinkers. Deterrent theory is also following the same fate. Reformative theory is the only one which is essential, and indispensable for human progress. It aims at returning the offender as a most competent and a peace-loving citizen to the society. But what is the nature of punishment inflicted by God upon men even if we suppose them to be offenders. You say he sends them to be born as a cow, a cat, a tree, a herb or a best. You enumerate these punishments to be 84 lakhs. I ask you what is its reformative effect upon man? How many men have met you who say that they were born as a donkey in previous birth for having committed any sin? None. Don't quote your Puranas. I have no scope to touch your mythologies. Moreover do you know that the greatest sin in this world is to be poor. Poverty is a sin, it is a punishment.

I ask you how far would you appreciate a criminologist, a jurist or a legislator who proposes such measures of punishment which shall inevitably force man to commit more offences? Had not your God thought of this or he also had to learn these things by experience, but at the cost of untold sufferings to be borne by humanity? What do you think shall be the fate of a man who has been born in a poor and illiterate family of say a chamar or a sweeper. He is poor, hence he cannot study. He is hated and shunned by his fellow human beings who think themselves to be his superiors having been born in say a higher caste. His ignorance, his poverty and the treatment meted out to him shall harden his heart towards society. Suppose he commits a sin, who shall bear the consequences? God, he or the learned ones of, the society? What about the punishment of those people who were deliberately kept ignorant by the haughty and egotist Brahmans and who had to pay the penalty by bearing the stream of being led (not lead) in their ears for having heard a few sentences of your Sacred Books of learning-the Vedas? If they committed any offence-who was to be responsible for them and who was to bear the brunt? My dear friends: These theories are the inventions of the privileged ones: They justify their usurped power, riches and superiority by the help of these theories. Yes: It was perhaps Upton Sinclair, that wrote at some place, that just make a man a believer in immortality and then rob him of all his riches, and possessions. He shall help you even in that ungrudgingly. The coalition amongst the religious preachers and possessors of power brought forth jails, gallows, knouts and these theories.

I ask why your omnipotent God, does not stop every man when he is committing any sin or offence? He can do it quite easily. Why did he not kill war lords or kill the fury of war in them and thus avoid the catastrophe hurled down on the head of humanity by the Great War? Why does he not just produce a certain sentiment in the mind of the British people to liberate India? Why does he not infuse the altruistic enthusiasm in the hearts of all capitalists to forgo their rights of personal possessions of means of production and thus redeem the whole laboring community � nay the whole human society from the bondage of Capitalism. You want to reason out the practicability of socialist theory, I leave it for your almighty to enforce it.

People recognize the merits of socialism in as much as the general welfare is concerned. They oppose it under the pretext of its being impracticable. Let the Almighty step in and arrange everything in an orderly fashion. Now don't try to advance round about arguments, they are out of order. Let me tell you, British rule is here not because God wills it but because they possess power and we do not dare to oppose them. Not that it is with the help of God that they are keeping us under their subjection but it is with the help of guns and rifles, bomb and bullets, police and millitia and our apathy that they are successfully committing the most deplorable sin against society- the outrageous exploitation of one nation by another. Where is God ? What is he doing? Is he enjoying all I these woes of human race ? A Nero; A Changez : Down with him.

Do you ask me how I explain the origin of this world and origin of man? Alright I tell you. Charles Darwin has tried to throw some light on the subject. Study him. Read Soham Swami's "Commonsense". It shall answer your question to some extent. This is a phenomenon of nature. The accidental mixture of different substances in the shape of nebulae produced this earth. When? Consult history. The same process produced animals and in the long run man. Read Darwin's 'Origin of Species'. And all the later progress is due to man's constant conflict with nature and his efforts to override it. This is the briefest possible explanation of this phenomenon.

Your other argument may be just to ask why a child is born blind or lame if not due to his deeds committed in the previous birth? This problem has been explained away by biologists as a more biological phenomenon. According to them the whole burden rests upon the shoulders of the parents who may be conscious or ignorant of their own deeds led to mutilation of the child previous to its birth.

Naturally you may ask another question though it is quite childish in essence. If no God existed, how did the people come to believe in him? My answer is clear and brief. As they came to believe in ghosts, and evil spirits; the only difference is that belief in God is almost universal and the philosophy well developed. Unlike certain of the radicals I would not attribute its origin to the ingenuity of the exploiters who wanted to keep the people under their subjection by preaching the existence of a supreme being and then claiming an authority and sanction from him for their privileged positions. Though I do not differ with them on the essential point that all faiths, religions, creeds and such other institutions became in turn the mere supporters of the tyrannical and exploiting institutions, men and classes. Rebellion against king is always a sin according to every religion.

As regards the origin of God my own idea is that having realized the limitations of man, his weaknesses and shortcoming having been taken into consideration, God was brought into imaginary existence to encourage man to face boldly all the trying circumstances, to meet all dangers manfully and to check and restrain his outbursts in prosperity and affluence. God both with his private laws and parental generosity was imagined and painted in greater details. He was to serve as a deterrent factor when his fury and private laws were discussed so that man may not become a danger to society. He was to serve as a father, mother, sister and brother, friend and helpers when his parental qualifications were to be explained. So that when man be in great distress having been betrayed and deserted by all friends he may find consolation in the idea that an ever true friend was still there to help him, to support him and that He was almighty and could do anything. Really that was useful to the society in the primitive age.

The idea of God is helpful to man in distress.

Society has to fight out this belief as well as was fought the idol worship and the narrow conception of religion. Similarly, when man tries to stand on his own legs, and become a realist he shall have to throw the faith aside, and to face manfully all the distress, trouble, in which the circumstances may throw him. That is exactly my state of affairs. It is not my vanity, my friends. It is my mode of thinking that has made me an atheist. I don't know whether in my case belief in God and offering of daily prayers which I consider to be most selfish and degraded act on the part of man, whether these prayers can prove to be helpful or they shall make my case worse still. I have read of atheists facing all troubles quite boldly, so am I trying to stand like a man with an erect head to the last; even on the gallows.

Let us see how I carry on : one friend asked me to pray. When informed of my atheism, he said, "During your last days you will begin to believe". I said, No, dear Sir, it shall not be. I will think that to be an act of degradation and demoralization on my part. For selfish motives I am not going to pray. Readers and friends, "Is this vanity"? If it is, I stand for it."

Thursday, February 24, 2011

My dear Uncle pai!!


Today India has lost one of its greatest educationalists and creator of Indian comics. Many youngsters of my generation have grown on the staple humor he has provided over last 30 years. He had an uncanny knack of teaching basic ethics and science in a humorous way. And luckily I share something with him. A bachelors degree in chemical engineering!!!

Uncle pai will always be an inspiration in my life and a person who lead me into a world of fantasy and mythology. He more than chirstopher nolan "incepted" the idea of thinking and reasoning in me. As a young boy from a small town in Tamil Nadu he opened the doors of imagination and creativity and pushed me into enjoying literature and history. I can never forget the lasting impression all his characters have had on me. I was not exposed to the magic of "The Tinkle" till my 5th standard. One of cousins was gracious enough to pass me on her collection of large volumes of tinkle. And that summer vacation was the most memorable one for me. I read each and every story.

Kapish, shambu, suppandi, ramu and shamu the character list is endless. I derived the greatest joy in reading his editor columns. Lots of youngsters sharing their real life experiences and Uncle pai giving us scientific fundes was seriously a pleasure to read. His english was so simple and precise. He made reading a pleasure for simple 10 year olds.

Coming to his greatest contribution - THE AMAR CHITRA KATHAS. I would say he has done more to the cause of preserving the indian tradition and culture than any of the RSS or Sangh Parivar groups can even aspire of. The first ACK stories I studied was the hanuman followed by the Jataka tales. The pleasure I experienced in reading the indian fantasies cannot be described in words. For me and most of the indians ACK is always a notch above the DC comics. Children can learn more about India by reading these comics than any of their history texts.

I really dont know more about Anant pai - the individual. But Uncle pai has always been there in my childhood as an invisible friend accompanying me in adventure after adventure. He always knew what I wanted and provided me that through his words. The influence of people like uncle pai, enid blyton can never be measured. For me atleast education started with "The tinkle" and is still going on!!!

Uncle pai I will miss you!!

Wednesday, February 23, 2011

He who must not be named???

Ever wonder why in solitude I dont talk to anybody?
In the wilderness, I seek, I pray, I hope,
Asking straight from heart to the poignant self,
When I wake each day, before work or play
I talk to you,I solicit you,
Lot of questions that linger in my heart,
What is happiness? Such simple yet complicated word ,
No word can exactly match it,
Hoping that through the chilled breeze is your muted response,
Answering my senile queries,
Sometimes I sit and wonder,
Why do I always have to bother,
To question myself and you,
Its bcas I want to be you,
Yearning for creating, taking responsibility,
For the pettiness around,
Engulfed in the mundaneness I rarely understand,
The care that I get from you,
The hope I could seed the future I could create,
The dreams I could dash the lives I could ruin,
Simply make everyone smile, make a sundry of emotions vanish,
Why dont you destroy the seeds of despair,
I know its muddled,
To know you I should first know me,
If you are so complicated why make me the same???
is perhaps the only question I wanna ask!!!!

Tuesday, February 15, 2011

Dream on!!!


It was not the hanging gardens,
nor was it the most beautiful place I have been to,
I heard lots of noises,
but discernible were only a few voices,
I let it flow like a river,
There is room to be stupid,
Boundaries are defined without any boundary,
Day in day out i am there for ever,
I can be rhetoric,
The genesis can never be interpreted or incepted,
Fueled by a moonly power,
to make mirages a reality,
The fear of being Mundane and archaic is futile,
Focusing through my human lens,
The concentrated power around giving sense
I am glad to have dreamt and tried than not to have dreamt at all!!!!

Friday, February 4, 2011

Maths


Numbers Numbers Numbers,
we live for numbers, We live in numbers,
Life is nothing but numbers,
No of days we live, no of ppl we meet,
we eat pray and love only to count,
Be it the trophies that mount,
Or the remuneration for the work we do,
Its a region where being odd is equally probable,
Zero is the hero where space originates,
Mathematics is worth its weight in gold
Studying numbers here and there
Solving problems everywhere,
First, we study the problem
To get a clue
Just what’s the problem asking us to do?
Calculus giving us the direction,
Geometry the shape,
approximation making engineering a reality,
Transformation taking us to domains unknown,
Making life simple where reality stings,
ah mathematics if only life was as simple as you are!!!!

Friday, January 21, 2011

The price


Long I wait to sate my void,
Confused, lost, within my mind I'm hiding,
Searching on the inside, as my outside keeps on fighting,
Even in the nadir of disappointment,
The cloud of uncertainty pouring in fear,
The factual validity of me,
Gunning for my belief,
for a prize that I could win,
A charm that can blow over me,
A grace that can get the deluge's respect,
What a surprise!! I never expected this,
Or this is what I badly wanted,
Are a few exclamations My heart yearns,
A nectar to the heart from the cacophony around,
Those around me filled in spilled ecstasy,
After all The path ahead illuminated,
by the lustrous clarity of mind,
unwavered by the filth and glitz around,
is the ultimate prize that I crave for!!

Monday, January 17, 2011

PURPOSE

An awesome poem written by my friend and fellow graduate student turned poet Abishek Ramadas.

In life all things seem futile.
the work being done, the events that occur.
seems irrelevent to any condition
random acts that seem to arise
from the whim and fancy of the snake charmer.
we dance in awkward steps
to the barbaric noises from his drum


going around in circles
banality and platitude.
experiences, situations, exercises, tests
that seem to take us no where.
progress?? no.
hard work achieving what? no idea.
stagnant sardonic and even ridiculous at times


the pull is strong
to stop the bull shit
the utter futility in doing the job
the laziness
the lack of reason
the lack of motivation
sometimes it seems logical to just give up

but know that what you see are just the dots
unconnected dots spread around in space and time
irrelevent and even irritating to the untrained eye.
there is a grand picture that comes out of joining the dots.
a beautiful plan unfolding slowly
dots that can be connected.

so hang in there when the dots are being laid.
hang in there through the futility
the depression the terpidity.
work with acceptance. work through the skepticism,
and bless the credulous mind.
hoping some day we will get to see the beautiful picture
and all life makes perfect sense.

Saturday, January 8, 2011

The Immortal


There she walks, i won that, i earned this, i am the greatest,
I have seen all things thats banal and petty,
I know whats gonna happen and it will happen,
Everything’s mundane and has zilch value,
What feeling did I ever find ,
To equal among human kind A dog's fidelity,
I am a perennial river for I have seen the infinity,
All you men, women and your lust,
All the treasure and all the glitz,
I will earn that all again sitting on your grave,
You poor mortals I cant see you in hell,
Bcas I am the man who has lived forever,
I know when a child laughs, he s gonna cry some day,
A woman with smiles will in future leave you at bay,
The youth of the day will grow senile,
The wisdom will later grow revile,
Its all bad as all good will one day perish,
You mortals can never have what I will cherish,
You all make a parody of yourselves,
Because I am the man who will live forever,
All the friendships, laughter, love, companionship, fear
I have experienced it all and I can enjoy it all over again,
The fearlessness and the surprise of the childhood,
The adult who is a rebel,
The energy and the warmth of the heart in the youth,
The companionship and the responsibility of the middle age,
The maturity and the contentment of the old age,
I can experience it all and all over again,
What is the use, I can do it all over again,
Alas all the petty experiences can never sate me,
Alas I have seen it and felt it all,
If only I can see you in hell,
Alas I am the man who can never die.